Foot in Butt Syndrome

I had a talk with the San Shou class about dealing with difficult situations. The class leading up to this talk was knife offense and the theory of attacking with a knife. Where to strike, what targets will yield the most damage, what will stop the attack cold, ect.

Of course I felt obligated to give the disclaimer chat regarding our view points on weapon use. Learn it so you can defend against it. Respect the power and increase your ability to survive an attack. Weapons are not something we use, but they are something that can be used against us. Knowledge is protection, bla, bla, bla.

Then my mind wandered and I told the students of an experience I had a few months back about a bad situation. I was at a social event with a group of friends. Everyone there was a friend or someone I know. We are a big group and we all stick together.

Usually.

One of the people I know got a little stupid with me. He wouldn't leave me alone, and I made it quite clear that I was uninterested. I walked away, he followed. I moved to another group, and sure enough, Scrungo was there shortly after. Needless to say, I was rapidly losing a battle with my temper. He was about 10 seconds from becoming a nasty injury in an ugly shirt.

Then the inevitable happened. Nature called. This meant leaving the main group and walking in the dark, alone to another area. Usually not a big deal, but when you have someone trying to corner you, it can be interesting.

So I was faced with a choice, go by myself, get confronted by Scrungo, lay him out in the parking lot, and try to deal with the aftermath (legal and social) afterward. OR grab a friend and have them escort me to and from the facilities, and then to my truck when I was ready to go home.

I wanted to choose option A really really badly, but I instead chose option B. I grabbed my buddy, and drug him off to the bathroom with me. He naturally wanted an explanation, so I filled him in on the situation. He was confused and asked me what the big deal was as I could take care of myself. He felt I should have chosen option A as well. I told him that part of taking care of yourself was removing yourself from a potentially bad situation. Seeking help when needed, and keeping alert for dangers.

What I didn't tell him was knowing yourself and what motivates you is also part of taking care of yourself. I was angry, very very angry. In some ways I was hoping Scrungo would have a fourth go around. I was looking for an excuse to release an emotional frenzy on him, punctuated with elbows, knees, and high pitched screeching. I haven't been that close to looking for a fight, Well Ever. But I was that angry. I had walked away from just wanting to defend myself, only to embrace wanting to feed my temper and justify it any way I could. Not a good place to be.

I realized this, and chose to defuse the situation. Man was that hard. But I was able to remove myself from my ego and anger to find a positive out come. I glued myself to my friend, and when it was time to leave the main area for any reason, I dragged him along. When I was ready to go home for the night, you guessed it, he became my escort to my vehicle.

I could have chosen to allow my emotions to control me. That is exactly what it would have been, a choice. I chose to control my emotions instead. I made the decision to walk away, and be safe. The decision to not sink into an abyss of anger and vengeance.

So yah, the temper still needs work. But on the up shot, the control is still in place.

Remembering the lessons

I was talking with Sifu Masterson about teaching. She told me that in her opinion my teaching has greatly improved in the last 18 months. That made me feel really good. Sometimes I feel like one of the blues brothers doing acrobatics only to have some guy in the back row giving a pity clap. Can be kinda harsh.

But we continued to talk about it, and tried to figure out what was responsible for the change. She feels that I don't just answer questions anymore, that I am connecting more fully with the student and am better understanding where they are coming from. The only thing I can come up with is, I'm now a student again in something completely new.

How many of us forget the first lessons? The frustration, the fears, the uncomfortable reality of not knowing what's going on? Many of us are learning a new system as part of our UBBT journey. But this is not the same as being a new student. It's not exactly the same style, but it IS an arena that is still comfortable for us. It's a martial art or physical training. It's something we understand on a fundamental level, and we are confident that we will succeed. This is not what our students experience when they start with us.

I have been spending a lot of time learning new things. Things that are completely out of my previous experience. I believe this has been the change. I have remembered the lessons. What it's like to truly step into the unknown. To not know the basic principles and expectations. I have had empathy forced upon me, and apparently am growing from the experience. The irony is, these lessons are not coming from the martial arts, an arena that I am very comfortable in. They are coming from motor cross, changes in jobs, and of course my other true love of skydiving.

UBBT asks that we take our lessons out of the kwoon and into the world. I have discovered that I have to take myself out of the kwoon and into the world to achieve this. Something I have never really done. It's kinda cool how it's proven to be a two way street. What I am learning in the world has been brought back into the kwoon. It appears the results of my new found empathy are very promising.

Learning to be Average

I've lost count of how many times I've been told I don't play well with others. My family, my friends, pretty much anyone who's met me realizes that there are no surprises. I'm right there, in your face, all the time.

My mom often asks me "Do you always have to be so harsh?" My sisters have been know to say "Don't hold back Lis, tell us how you really feel" (can you hear the sarcasm?) Alternate that statement with spitting beverages through their noses after I offer an opinion, and you have the idea.

Okay, okay, I get the hint. Doesn't mean I'm going to change anytime soon, but if it makes anybody feel better, I am listening, and I do get it.

I have been thinking a lot of the "Mastery" assignment our students do when they are preparing for taking the Black Belt Exam. A cool assignment in and of itself. But what has really been striking me is the message that we create our own personal mastery.

I've always believed in creating your own destiny or mastery of said destiny. I have always strived to live the example, but have never really had a point of comparison. For the last 18 years, I have been surrounded with others who strive to achieve personal mastery. I unconsciously seek out people with mastery.

My skydiving instructors are world champion competitors (literally). My friends are strong willed alpha people, and I am always around people in the martial arts who's very being screams of self improvement. Is it any surprise that non masters make me nuts?

So back to being average. Lately I have been working with a new group of people. Nice people, but people who are contented to be average. People who expect me to be average as well, and to live at the standard they have accepted for themselves. I'm continually shocked when I'm told not to work so hard. Not to worry about it. Or my personal favorite, don't kill yourself, it doesn't have to be perfect.

Yah, actually it does. If you are going to do something, do it right. I don't care what you are doing. Writing a blog, organizing an event, or cleaning up bird poop from the deck. Take pride in what you are doing and do a good job. Okay, I know it's hard to have pride in cleaning up bird poop, but you get the idea.

I don't like being told not to excel. I accept that I won't always excel, and that there are things I'm down right pitiful at, but to be told that something less than my best effort is acceptable..... well that goes against the grain. I don't understand how to live like that, and I am having a very difficult time relating to people who think that way.

All I know is I don't want to look back and say "I had that opportunity, and I didn't take it" The things we do make a difference. We don't always get credit, or recognition, but the difference is still there. Many times it will be unnoticed or unappreciated, but it's still there.

My greatest fear is living my life and having not made a difference. That I wasted my time here, and didn't take the opportunities presented to me.

Finally

I'm done over 34 hours of class room in 4 days.... my brain hurts.
The best part is I have to do it all over again starting Friday. Oh joy.
Seriously, I need to lear to set reasonable goals.
On the up shot? I passed both SSI and Ground Control. The second of the two I wasn't even planning on taking, but it was thrown into the course and I passed it. I need a nap.

Learning

This weekend I'm off to Calgary for my SSI course. Next weekend is JM here at home. By the end of the month I will have 2 more requirements ticked off the UBBT list. It is very liberating to think of progress made.

At the same time, preparing for these seminars is not simple task. As with all education there is a lot of theory, practical knowledge, and prerequisites that need to be fulfilled. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. Digging out notes and texts on my C1 courses, reading the new material, as well as creating and completing the lesson plans for 2 courses.

I'm going to have to get ear plugs to keep my brains from leaking out. As exciting as theses accomplishments are, they still require a ton of focus and hard work.

But what else is new?

Not giving up

I am very tired today. One of our young cows almost lost her calf while trying to have it. The calf's leg was caught on his mothers pelvic bone and she was unable to have him. My brother and I worked for hours to save them.

For a while we thought we were to late to save the calf. We thought he had died inside her. We were upset, but knew that we had to get the calf out of the mother or we would lose them both.

Finally we were able to get the leg lose from inside his mother and help pull him out. While his mother pushed, we pulled. When he was half way out, we realized he was still alive. We continued to work, and got him all the way out. He was extremely weak and both mother and calf were exhausted.

In the past 14 hours we have been able to get them back to the barn and have managed to get some milk replacer into him. He is still not strong enough to stand (which is a bad sign) but he is able to drink on his own from the bottle (a good sign). Our next goal is to get him strong enough so that he can start nursing from his mother.

She was in labor for at least 6 hours before we managed to deliver the calf completely, and he was trapped inside her unable to move or breath properly. Yet they both survived. True fighting spirit.

I wanted to name him GSP, but my brother thought Rocky was cuter. So Rocky it is. If he survives the night. Bottom line, he didn't give up. We can all learn something from that.

SSI

So I finally got the confirmed date for my SSI (skydive school instructor) course. Unfortunately it is April 17 through 20 in Calgary Alberta (@ 3 hours from here). Being a 3 hour drive is no big deal. I have a sister living in that city, and can stay at her place, get in a visit, and take the certification course.

The problem is that the following weekend I am booked to take the JM (jump master). So this will mean I need to take off 2 Friday to Mondays in a row. Not really impressive for the boss.

It's not that big a deal, I only need certification in one of the courses to qualify for Coach 2, but having both obviously is better in the long run. If nothing else I can take the SSI next season. It would be nice to get both, but I'm not going to worry about it to much. It's not like I'm going to stop skydiving, and I have the rest of my life to play in the sky.