Week 27

This week has been derailed so to speak.  My aunt with brain cancer died this weekend.  She has been suffering for years and is no longer suffering.  Funny how the living try to comfort themselves with the well being of the dead.

There are many traditions that are based in our own fears or in old survival tactics that are no longer needed in society.  Like Brides Maids & Grooms Men.  That practice came about with warring tribes where decoys were dressed up the same as the Bride and groom in order to keep the enemy from picking out who was getting married from the crowd.  It was in essence a survival tactic that has become tradition.  It now serves a completely different purpose, but the practice has survived.

And I think I'm coming down with a summer cold.  Off to bed.

Week 26

We are over the half way mark, and I find myself doing a constant inventory of everything I have left on my list.  I also find myself struggling with things that are outside the routine. 

Most of the requirements are trudging along - guitar lesson every friday night, dog training on the weekends, and so on.  But there are certain times of the year that things ball up.  End of August is haying, Beginning of September is new students, End of October Black Belt Gradings, Christmas (well that's a ball of brain damage that is self explanatory), January new student adults and their new year resolutions, well you get the idea.

There is a lot going on, and on, and on.  But somehow we check things off the list.  Not as many as I would like, but here and there is evidence of progress.  Somehow when you are invested in a process, you do what you do to make time for it. 

Part of all of that is reevaluating your progress and your goals.  Those that are finished, those that are ongoing.  For example, I'm finding having my guitar instructor off shore is far more tricky than I had anticipated.  We are still doing our lesson, but we are at the mercy of internet connections and band width.  it can be frustrating.  But I've committed to my instructor and he has committed to me, so we make it work.  We may have to reevaluate that in the future should we find this is not sustainable, but we put in the effort and don't give up out of hand. 

Anyway, I really have nothing of profound importance, just more of the same.  Stay focused, stay on it, and set  yourself up for success.  As much as possible anyway.

Week 25

There are things that go bump in the night.  When you grow up, you stop believing in them.  In the place of that darkness comes something more tangible but no less invasive.  Stress, pressure, being pulled in all directions.  These are the night terrors of the real world.  They are not ethereal like goblins and monsters, but they keep you awake as surely as the glowing eyes in the closet of your youth.  Sadly, these denizens of the night are not so easily dispelled as realizing the glowing eyes belong to the cat who is napping in your laundry hamper.

With them they bring other conditions.  From fatigue comes depression, a sense of loss of power, and the desire to walk away.  The question is, how do we get through it?  We keep going, we pull together if needed, but we do not stagnate.

I remember some years ago I was  having a rather horrible couple of weeks.  I was ready to pack up the dog and the horses and move to the mountains as a hermit, never to be seen again.  I was done with humans, responsibility, society, social and professional environment.  I just didn't want to play anymore.  I made a somewhat droopy post on facebook.  One of only a hand full per year, and the response I got was overwhelming.  My friends were on instant alert with well wishes and offers to be  there.  Strange as it was, one of my guy friends, a man of few words, just posted a link to a song.  Corny and Cliche as it may be, I listened to that song.  If you are going through hell, keep going, you will make it out the other side. 

That gave me pause.  How many times do we feel we are "in Hell".  Emotionally, intellectually, spiritually?  How many times do we say to ourselves, I'm in Hell.  That implies lack of motion.  If you are in something, you are not moving forward.  If you are not moving forward, you won't get through the other side.

So I answer my question, how do we get through?  Keep going, you will make it to the other side.  That has become a bit of a mantra for me when things are looking their blackest.  Just keep going, you will make it through.

Week 24

So I've learned a couple things this week.  For one, I may have fixed the problem with my blogs not having any paragraphs.  Turns out my blog was defaulting to HTML.  Little does this non computer savvy person know, but apparently that is a code writing setting so all proper paragraphs and literary settings don't exist in it's opinion.  So we will try the compose setting and see if that is the magic bullet it claims to be.

I have learned that though taking guitar lessons over the internet when your instructor moves to the other side of the planet is possible, it comes with it's on set of frustrations when the bandwidth drops and you lose the live video meeting 7 times.  So we try to find a way to decrease the issues and soldier on.  Maybe I could go to Bali and get my lessons once a week... na the jet lag would kill me.

I have learned that if a skunk sprays something the smell will dissipate with time, but a dedicated puppy can find the stink and roll in it, leaving a slight almost ghost of a skunk smell.  So very attractive.  Especially when combined with the wonderful scent of swamp mud and pond water.  For the record, daily baths are not something baby T-Rex enjoys.

I already knew that time went at break neck speed and that there are not enough hours in the day, days in the weeks, and so on, but I keep finding myself thinking that I'll get it all done... lying to yourself does not make things work out.  #justsayin  Somehow you just have to pony up and get it done.  Amazing who sickness makes the pile higher.  Head down, move forward.

I have learned a great many other things, but lets face it, this is barely interesting.  So we'll move on.  I didn't take a "holiday" this year.  Except at Christmas.  I do my best to always book Christmas off, if for nothing else but a sanity check.  I just booked a long weekend here, a midweek day there.  I'm really missing the actual shutdown time.  But with everything going on, it's probably better this way.  I don't have the extra time to spend doing nothing.  Again, I schedule time to do laundry.  How sad is that?

But I digress, remember the positives and wish me luck with the blog fix.  I'm sure once I hit publish we will know if there really is hope for technology.  #technologysucks #justsayin

Week 23

You know it's been a full week when your puppy is a clepto and your niece is a fish. Well mermaid really. For her birthday, my sister bought her mermaid lessons. Yes that's a real thing. Apparently she earns a certification that is registered with scuba diving standards. Who knew? Dressing up in a tail and swimmers isn't just for vegas anymore. As for the dog, well she has realized that the neighbor to the north has a yard full of doggie toys that she was quite happily bringing home and playing with. Took a day or two to figure out what was happening, but the end result is I met 2 of the neighbors in the subdivision while returning the ill gotten booty. Can you imagine that conversation? Hi my parents are your neighbor to the south, we are very anti social with no real interest of becoming friends, and our new puppy is ripping you off... sorry and nice to meet you. No not really, but it was interesting. Never a dull moment, like this morning jumping out of bed because there was a calf on the highway bordering the farm. Had to rush out there and stuff the lil bugger back in and then find the whole in the fence. Naturally it was the bottom wire in the middle of the pond. No real way to get to it except take off the shoes and walk in up to my knees in mud and water. Thankfully the bottom of the pond was spongy with vegetation. I was worried about sinking and getting stuck. The other blessing is the pond's water is low right now. Usually it's over 8ft deep which can make things very interesting. But between my brother and I, we got it done and off to the next chore, and the next chore and the next. It never fails to amaze me how different people in town are from rural people. For example, persons on rural properties know that there is always work to be done and with out short summers the lions share has to be done sooner rather than later. Where as town people don't have that same mentality. I hear this quite often at work, are you going to K-Days, are you going to the accidental beach down town, are you going to whatever other event someone dreamed up? You politely say no, and then change the subject. Why? Because telling them that you see no reason to drive an hour into the city, give yourself brain damage finding a place to park, and sit with 200 strangers on a sand bar full of river snot. Especially a river that the city of around a million use as a toilet. Ya, thanks, but no. But I digress. I needed a blog post and there it is. Different people develop different mentalities and priorities with different environments and responsibilities. That and city people are crazy. #justsayin

Week 22

I find myself straining to get a topic for this weeks blog. So I'll go off on a tangent and see if it develops into something worth saving. Today my brother was watching a movie he just bought. One of the newer Dwayne Johnson movies, Rampage. It was somewhat cheesy complete with groan worthy one liners, but all in all a cute little way to decompress via mindless entertainment. During the movie, the my puppy was very agitated. Jumping into and out of laps, pacing the floor and knocking over things deliberately with her paws. It wasn't the gunfire or explosions, she's seen many of those movies and has never fussed. It was the roaring. The wolf howls and gorilla screams to be specific. They were too realistic for her liking I guess. Strange though as she hears coyotes howl weekly at the farm and that never phases her. I thought about it some more and began to see her behavior was worse when the wolf noises were on. Made me wonder if that has some deep seeded instinct to fear a wolf howl, where a coyote howl doesn't have the same effect. Is that something that is hardwired into her like the herding instinct? Is to something to do with her age and will she grow out of it? Is it something that she will always go to the fear well when she hears the howl of a wolf. Maybe you think I'm giving her too much credit, but they have proven that Border Collies have the intelligence of a human child up to 7 years of age. She has demonstrated the ability to problem solve and to apply knowledge from one arena to another. They are also known for their excellent hearing and ability to focus their attention well beyond the average. I see no reason that she wouldn't be able to tell the difference between coyote and wolf vocalizations, and that the vocalizations of the latter would cause her duress where as the former is something within her sphere of normal. Take it a step further to human thought processes. There are things that are instinctually feared with humans, and things that are learned behaviors. For example, I am claustrophobic. This is a learned behavior. I had a bad experience in a small area as a child, and the result is an irrational fear that has followed me through life. One that has to be managed. One that no mater how much exposure I do (caving, crowds, elevators, etc.) the fears always just as strong as the last time and I find myself employing practiced mental discipline to function normally. And even then, my definition of normal function is pushed to the agitated spectrum. My concentration is brought into a very narrowed focus, at times giving me the appearance of zoning out. A more accurate description would be I'm zoning in, to the very narrowed focus of managing the irrational fear. Everything outside that management takes a back seat, sometimes to the point of not registering them. So in a large crowd, please don't take offense if I ignore you. It's far better than pitching a fit in a crowd. But I digress, claustrophobia in my case is a learned behavior. Where as my healthy respect for heights is, I believe, and instinctual behavior. I am not afraid of heights in the traditional sense. I have no issue of going to a high place, but I do become more careful and go into the threshold of the adrenal state. Not anxiety per say, but definitely not a relaxed one either. I go into high places with no reservations or apprehension, just become super aware of every foot and hand hold. I have no memory of every having an issue with high places so I assume that it is something that was hardwired into humans over the evolutionary process. Honestly I think I'm watching way too many documentaries on human behavior, I should watch more cartoons.

Week 21

Today's blog is all about instant karma. Like eating a jar of jalipino peppers. It's all fun and exciting today, but it's going to burn your butt tomorrow. For example, I thought it would be cute and mental stimulating to take my puppy's ball and stick it in a tote bin with the lid on. She has to problem solve to get her ball back. Worked like a charm and was cute as can be watching her figure it out. Problem is I didn't think ahead to say today where she would come up with new and creative ways to apply that knowledge. Like getting into a sealed Tupperware and eating all the muffins, or like last night getting the bananas and eating 2.5 of them. She will be in full firehoze mode today. Le sigh. Remember to think ahead before acting.