Another Spring

Today was a montage of random situations. From the pressure of work, to the serenity of anticipating the return of our eagles, it has had many faces and perspectives. Perhaps a day of reflection. A day of resetting. A day of anticipation. That's a loaded word. Anticipation. Most commonly associated with something positive, the true meaning of the word is neutral at best. To anticipate something is to expect it to happen and react according to the expectation not the action. So here I am, the spectrum of this day broad and diverse, and I find myself Anticipating Spring. Another spring. Now I'm not a spring person at the best of times. The mud and mess from run off is relentless. But it has it's positive aspects as well. But it's not the change in weather that has me running amok emotionally. It's the connotations and fears that come with Spring. 3 years ago May long weekend, my friend John had a major heart attack under canopy and went in. His death was splattered all over the news and everyone felt the need to express their uninformed opinion as to the circumstances, his character, and his life style choices. But the fact remained, John was dead, and I missed my friend. 2 years ago May long weekend, my friend Dr. Dave went in while base jumping in the grand canyon. Once again I was greeted with news images of speculation and implications. Yet I can still hear in my head. "Lisa? It's Tina. We lost Dr. Dave." "What do you MEAN we lost Dr. Dave?" "He went in at the Canyon, no one knows what happened. He was last off the ledge and didn't land. They found him on the hike back out." "..." Last spring, my friend Gabe died base jumping in the Rockies. Are we seeing a pattern here? There is choice and loss. But that is acceptable, understandable, something we choose to manage. We make the choice and manage the risk. And the questions are always the same. "Did you hear?" "Do you know this person?" "Are you going to quit now?" "Are you going to quit now?" From one perspective perhaps a reasonable question. But do you quit driving when someone is killed in a car accident. Doesn't sound reasonable does it. But believe it or not, it is the same thing. We make and informed choice, we accept the potential consequences, we manage the risk. But that doesn't stop the mind from anticipating, from fearing, from running. Will I lose another friend this year? Who could it be? How do I communicate to others that they are persons who are more than the implied sum of their actions. They say Knowledge Dispels Fear... but What Dispels Anticipation?