Week 28

I've been horribly sick this week.  I was off work for 3 days and then was sent home on day 4.  Friday I worked from home on one of the rare occasions because I didn't want to pay for gas and parking for the day only to leave half way through. 

I am feeling much better and the summer cold or whatever it was has found a new home in my brother... sorry Jake.  But I should be right as rain to get back to work on Tuesday.  Only to have to take the next day off for my Aunt's funeral.  I mentioned in previous blogs that she had been battling brain and liver cancer for a while now.  She had been bedridden for nearly a year and they all but stopped having people into there house for the last few years because she just couldn't handle having people in.  It was too exhausting.  This wonderful lady who was always kind, respectful, spoke to me on an adult level even when I was a child has been slowly wasting away in the cruelest way possible.  She died last Saturday and the funeral is on Wednesday afternoon.  So I'll be taking another day off work to head down and attend.  At least she's no longer in pain.

My Aunt Noel was a very religious lady, and one that was extremely intelligent and kind.  She married my mom's brother Larry on my 10th birthday, and I remember her brother singing "The Rose" at the wedding.  It was the first time I had heard that song and it stuck.  The wedding was in Calgary in the river valley.  It was the first out door wedding I had attended... well from what I could remember anyway.  It was a very beautiful July day, sun shining, blooming flowers, and many things I remember, like "The Rose" becoming my favorite song, and going out an learning it as soon as I could when we got home.  Though I could never find a rendition of that particular song that lived up to her brother's version.  He has an amazing voice.  Extremely soulful and haunting.

Now to be clear, I am telling facts.  No implications, stereotypes or anything like that.  My aunt was AfricanCanadian.  My cousins are mulatto, and I defy anyone to speak against their value as people.  I only bring this up because of the before mentioned memories.  Her brother, an AfricanCanadian man, had an amazing singing voice.  Their whole family are highly educated and very musical including Auntie Noel.  This is a simple fact, one that should not require definition but somehow always does.  Our world has gotten overly politically correct and everyone seems to be hunting for racial oppression in every comment or phrase.  I find it highly irritating that one must be overly critical of one's own words lest someone find misconception or implication where none exists.  So yes, my AfricanCanadian relative and her family are very musical and if anyone wants to read bigotry into that, well they can go pound sand.

I digress.

So I was trying to write a blog about being sick this week and how that to tell the honest truth stressed me out.  I'm a part of 2 teams.  My team at work and my team with all of you.  End of August is not a good time to be sick, especially right before September long weekend.  Every contractor, homeowner, excavator and their dogs are digging.  Final push for the last long weekend before the snow.  Couple that with everyone wants to take holidays (especially on long weekends) and you have a high volume, short staff situation.  Most wouldn't worry about that, but lets be clear, I pride myself on having minimal sick time and will drag my sorry carcass to work as long as I feel it's safe for me to drive.  Believe me when I say, I was in no shape for anything but Ni Quill and sleeping.

Then there is my second team.  Last week of August is back to school week.  We have classes shut down by popular demand and take the opportunity to do the clean up, reno and general housekeeping for the kwoon.  It's a big job, but many hands make light work.  It's also a requirement for the IHC to take part.  I bring that up to highlight how important a time it is.  As any owner of anything will attest, buying something is the cheap part.  Keeping it in good condition is where all the time, sweat equity, and money really come into play.  So to keep the kwoon in top shape, everyone pulls together and lends their expertise to the projects.  Over the years it has become a social and somewhat of a bonding experience.  The potato bakes seem to be the highlight of the week.  We used to get pizza, but this is more healthy and has an almost camping out feeling.  At least that's my impression.

Anyway, there we are in the throws of one of the most important times of year for both teams, and I'm out for the count.  I felt a great amount of guilt, pressure, and stress for not being there.  To be really accurate I think in all the years we've had the kwoon (over 15 years now) I have only missed this event in it's entirety this once.  There have been times where I could only attend certain days or times, but I've always made it every year for at least 1 day.  Shame to see the streak die, but believe me, you guys didn't want to be anywhere near my germ infested coil.  And for the record, yes my brother is still speaking to me, but only in single syllables.

Looking back over this blog, I'm sounding pretty confrontational.  Or at least that's how it's coming across to me.  That isn't intentional, but I think a manifestation of grief, and probably still a bit of brain recuperation.  I could delete this and write a happy blog or something of less controversy, but would that not be self defeating?  We are supposed to write about the journey.  And sometimes the journey is ugly, hard, unpolished.  Life isn't this sterile existence free of conflict.  There are times where it's an emotional outhouse and we end up slogging through it.  Life isn't always what we want others to think it is.  We aren't always what we want others to think we are.  So here is the truth about me.  Today I'm an irritated, stressed, grieving, blunt hot mess.  Hope I didn't ruin the surprise at the end here.