I taught my dad how to drive the quad this weekend. We went around in 1st gear with a top speed of 8. I told him how to shift up and was informed that he was quite happy where he was. At least he tried something new, and had fun with it. Baby steps. Next weekend, reverse maybe?

Nothing Changes

I'm sitting here with my dog. Sometimes I envy her. She's got it pretty good. Comfortable place to sleep, plenty of food and people that love her, and a job (chasing cows) that she lives for. She is very content, yet she has that uncanny compassion that animals are famous for. She knows when you are hurting, and despite of how good she may have it, she genuinely hurts with you. You can't get a better friend than that. No judgement, no dishonesty, no blame, just a desire to share your journey.

I spent the week handing out resumes. The last person I worked for, well, it didn't go as expected or hoped. The logical side tries to convince me that there was no malice intent. The experience side reaffirms that you can only rely on yourself. Sadly, the experience side tends to win these internal conflicts when it comes to judging human nature.

I made a choice regarding my career future when I got back. The factors involved placed the choice I made at the top. It seemed the best option I had at the time. I made a decision based on the information I was given, and with faith that the promises made would be fulfilled. Didn't work out despite my best efforts. Sometimes things fail, that's alright. Sometimes people fail, that's forgivable. Sometimes people don't seem to care and put you in a position causes you in long term harm, regardless of their intentions. Call me rigid, unforgiving, cold, what ever, but I have a hard time accepting that one. As they say "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions".

I've been having some conflicts with a friend lately. As with all things, it takes two to have a conflict. I believe I take responsibility for my actions, I do my best to anyway. I trust this person not to have malice intent, but it still hurts to be in the situation. It can feel like it's one sided, like the other person isn't willing to see your perspective. I have no doubt that they feel the same way toward me. Hopefully coolers heads will prevail, and the situation can get sorted. The alternative keeps me awake at night.

A friend of mine was killed in the war 3 years and 3 months ago. His birthday is on Monday, he would have been 35 this year. I miss him.

So many more have lost their lives in the past 3 years. I've watch so many friends leave. I wait for so many more to deploy. I pray they come back to those they love, not back to their graves. There is nothing I can do for them, I feel completely helpless. Our government wants to extend the occupation of the Middle East. They don't listen to the people they are supposed to represent when we call out for them to bring back our troops safely. I would like them to look me in the eye and tell me why. What is more death going to get us? Is it really in our nature to destroy ourselves? Sure seems that way.

Play the cards you're dealt, guess that's all any of us can do.

Embrace the Fear

"Embrace the Fear

I must not fear, fear is the mind killer
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration
I will face my fear
I will permit it to pass over and through me
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing
Only I will remain"

Frank Herbert