Saturday, February 27, 2010

Taking Steps



They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. That's crap. It begins long before you start walking. Where are you? What is motivating you to make that journey? There has to be a reason, other wise you wouldn't walk away.

Some like to think that you are walking toward something... maybe. But with every step, you are leaving something behind. Sometimes it's a case of being too tired to try to keep up when others have left you, so you choose a different direction. Sometimes it's because you realize that you are not where you want to be and you have to find a way out. Sometimes there's just nothing left.

So where do you go? Why do you go there? How do you get there? Something you have to ask yourself before you start walking. Don't you think? If you just forge ahead with out knowing theses answers, how can your destination be any different from what you left behind?

I wish I had the answers. I've spent my life in the darkest corners of this world. I've learned to fight through the adversity, the obstacles, the demons. I've watched people walk out of my life and then wonder why I don't see them as a part of it. I have to actively choose to trust, and it is a fragile thing. Easily broken and rarely mended. I try, but experience has taught me people are cruel beings who rarely see anything beyond their own perspective. There are exceptions to every rule, but having the wisdom to see the exceptions is not always easy.

People try to say "you're not alone" yet I continue to experience the opposite. When it comes right down to it, we are all alone. There are others we can share with if we choose and if they prove worthy, but we still have to decide our own fates. We are born, we live, and in the end no one makes the final journey with us. From there we walk alone.


The journey does not begin with a single step, but with the desire for something different, the courage to begin, and the strength to keep walking once you start. Perhaps it ends with the wisdom of your travels and the support of those who you meet along the way. Perhaps not. I'll let you know when I get there.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

TGIF... well almost

Chinese New Year is finally over. Thank God. I feel like my brain is going to explode. 1 2 3 and rest

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Lonely Pathetic Single Looser Day

So it's V-Day again. My date got sick and so this year we're not doing dinner & a movie. Meh no big. I have a million and one things to do anyway, so not having to go out and kill a couple of hours is a blessing in itself.

Not that I'm happy Turtle is sick, but it does ease up some of the pressure with all the other stuff on the go right now. My friends are great, and I want to spend time with them, but this is the worst time of year for me. Darlana's birthday is the 20th, and has invited me out for dinner (which I'm not attending obviously) and Henry has invited me snow boarding the 27 after the ASPA AGM in Cowtown. Made no promises, but it would be sweet to see these guys again. Winter is a long dry spell. When you spend every weekend with people during the summer, you really miss them in the off season.

The yearly Arizona trip helps, but I didn't make it this year. Oh well, winter can't last for ever... or can it?

meh, no worries

Saturday, February 13, 2010

all righty then


Since I began skydiving my Dad has been trying to get me to do 1 of 2 things.

1, quit skydiving (like that's gonna happen)
2, write out a Will

Today I did option 2. I wrote out a "Do it yourself Will". This caused me to experience (and continue to experience) 3 major things...

1, I'm too young to have a Will, and denial is a happy place
2, Writing out a Will is both materialistic and creepy
3, I have a lot of crap I don't need.

But it's all done except the signing so I guess that's a positive.

I was talking to my brothers about it when they walked in on my pensive writings. I told them what I had planned to leave them, and asked if they wanted anything in particular. Jake gets the Wii, Gord gets the horses, Dad gets the dog, Erna gets the skydiving equipment, Jo gets the books, Mom gets the truck, ect.

Awkward conversation or what, but better than the legal system getting their fingers into everything and running a muck. I'm not planning on checking out just yet, but one never knows what the future holds. Not to mention doing stupid dangerous things is my idea of fun. Meh, whatever.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Between Darkness and Light there is Grey

Existence is not living. Wake up, work, work job 2, sleep, repeat. Weekends? Wake up, work, work at the farm, sleep, repeat. Where is the colour, the flair, the diversity? When you allow the time to speed by, to release the reins of that volatile horse you lose yourself in a mundane grey sludge of wakefulness.

Stop, reset, engage, see. They are things we are told to do, things we try to do for ourselves. But what determines success? By what gauge do we measure the transition from apathy to passion?

When does colour reenter our sphere of influence? When we make it reenter. When we give up passive desire and take consistent action. When we realize that wanting is not good enough, and we actually do something about it.

But I could just be out to lunch.

meh, whatever.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Something Funny

1.A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your behind tomorrow.
25. Another depressing thought from Bill........while you are indeed the oldest you have ever been, you are also the youngest you will ever be........it's all running out pretty fast, make the most of what's left!!!!!

got this emailed to me. I like #17 the best