Week 10

The running tally continues. That being said I am going out of town tomorrow for a few days and realize that I am going to be too lazy, tired, or whatever excuse comes to mind to blog. Now that the confession is over, I am learning from last week's fiasco and posting early there in removing my ability to screw up. Well in this particular instance, there are plenty of other things I can make a mess of. But I digress. The blog I should have written last week is rolling over this week. I'm not totally convinced I want to write this particular blog, as I have spent the better part of the past 30 years keeping my personal and kung fu lives separate. Crossing that boundary is uncharted territory. One I'm still convincing myself is for the better. The question I keep coming back to is, who benefits from the "better" Did you notice I dodged around it again? Ok here goes. My mom had 12 siblings. 2 years ago the eldest of her younger brothers died in a fire taking the total from 6 boys in the family to 5. This year we are facing the fact that the oldest (her sister) has critical lymphatic leukaemia, has been taken off of chemo treatments and has been in the hospital since last Saturday. Very soon there will be 6 girls in the family, down from 7. Mom's sister in law (wife of one of the twins - youngest boys) has been battling brain cancer for the last few years. She has 20 growths in her brain, and they have now found 2 growths in her liver. She has 3 months to a year left. And though not in the same category for most, my 26 year old horse is slipping away. I've had her since she was 4 months old and she has been my best friend for over 2 decades. She is rapidly losing the battle of time, and I am doing everything I can to make her final time (however long that is) as comfortable as possible. I am dreading the day I have to make that call to the vet. It gets closer every day. Like playing Emotional Russian Roulette. Sadly they are all on borrowed time. But as I learned long ago Life and Death are 2 halves of the same whole. My parents gave us the gift of not sheltering us from experiences good or bad. Life has a valuable teacher called experience. Though some of them are harsher than others.

Week 9

So this is an unintentional situation. Part of consistent blogging is having a blog day. At least for me it is. My day is Friday. Sometimes I post on Saturday if things have been rushed, and so far it has worked. But not this week. This week I have been dealing with more than the usual life stuff and come Friday evening started coming down with a migraine that proved it was in for the duration. Lasting all day Saturday and into today. The reasons are not intended to excuse, but to give back story. Bottom line is I didn't blog on time. Thing is there are a couple ways to look at this situation. 1) I could have blogged any day this past week. I didn't have to wait until Friday. That means i didn't set myself up for success when I should have. My fault and failure. 2) I blogged as soon as I was able and though late followed the intention of the journal if not the exact letter of it. Regardless of how you view the situation, the fact remains my week 9 blog went live in the beginning of week 10. Being something I take seriously, I feel taking public accountability of my lack of action is important. I see it no different than a speeding ticket. The signs for speed allowances are (in most cases) clearly posted, and where not posted there are understood guidelines of expectation. This is a known fact. When I choose to speed and get caught, I am accountable in that I was aware of the expectation and chose to not act accordingly. Many people plane the police officer giving the ticket, which I think is silly. That person has no control of the choices I make, however they are tasked with dealing with the results of the choices I make. So at the end of the day, I pay my fine and accept I have control of my gas pedal. Just as I have control of my keyboard. Moral of the story is I'll do better.

Week 8

The bane of my existence... in C major No not really, though I do find many people live as though everything is a massive disaster. Others not so much, G major. I often find myself saying "That's my first world problem for today" and sometimes I say it more than once. G major 7. The thing is it's very easy to forget yourself and get caught up in the little frustrations. I have by no means gotten that particular habit under control, as anyone who spends more than 5 seconds realizes, C major. But there is a difference between a good vent and actually stockpiling frustrations, C major. Sometimes its the small transitions that make all the difference, A minor. Such as remembering that we have a home, food, and a family who usually loves us but makes no promises in the heat of the moment when we are melting down, D major 7. So I do my best, as often as needed to remember that there are worse things out there than what ever currently has my Irish up, G major. There are things that are quite powerful in positivity in this world that can be easily overlooked if you are distracted by things that are irritating but have no real impact, G major. Like when second cup runs out of whipped cream for my caramel hot chocolate, not ideal but is it really worth self-destructing the rest of my day? G major. No it's really not, G major 7. And yet I've seen people implode over just such an occasion (not me) C major. It gives me cause to wonder if they realize the impact they are having on the person they are raining pain on because their mocha frapawhatever won't make their butt as big as fast, C major. If anything the person at the barista is doing them a favour for not adding the fluffy good stuff to their impending heart attack, A minor. I mean I'm all for accountability and doing your best at your job and not making mistakes that will impact others, A minor 7. Sometimes it's a reality, which is unfortunate but again is it really worth choosing to be upset over? D major. I don't think so, D major 7. The real trick is keeping that choice in front of you, the fact that you choose to be happy, sad, angry, goofy, belligerent or whatever, G major. You have that power and you choose to see things as a disaster or as a first world problem, G major 7. I think what a lot of us don't realize is, it's those little challenges that define us and make us stronger or weaker. Make us happy or miserable, make us what we are because they drive what we do. It's up to us to change that difficult cord and turn it into a positive note, C major.

Week 7

So it's blog time again. The team meeting was interesting. I learned some new awesome things about our team. But what struck me was how reluctant people were to talk about themselves. I could be reading it wrong, but I think a lot of people were selfconcios. Not surprising really, more puzzling. We always talk about bonding and being a team and a support structure, yet we spent a lot of time discussing how hard it is for us to really pull together and form bonds. We had some good suggestions on how to resolve it, but still I wonder if it is less to do with reaching out an more to do with our own fears of rejection. I'm fairly sure at one point or other we have questioned ourselves, at least I know I have had my struggles with feeling like I was valued. So in the end, know I value you and see you as someone with something to contribute. It's not just about finding your voice, it's about believing others want to hear it. I want to hear your voice.