Week 43

My Uncle Ray died on the 23.  The cancer spread into his bones and he knew it was a matter of time until he joined his wife Vicky who passed this fall.  His funeral is this weekend, which I'm not going to be able to attend.  Much as that upsets me, sometimes the reality of the situation is what it is.  Besides relationships are what are important, and I had a good one with Ray.  I'll miss him.  Funerals are for the living.  I have no doubts that despite my inability to attend, he knows its not from lack of respect or affection.  I saw him at Vicky's funeral, so at least I had the chance to say good bye.

So New Years Eve.  My plans begin and end with hot tea, movies and dog snuggles on the couch.  Might  not be exciting, but I happen to like hot tea, movies and snuggling with my dog on the couch.  Besides, between overhauling the house for the endless flow of people over Christmas and trying to practice for the demo and so forth, I think I've earned a little time being a lazy lump.  Might not get me to Mastery, but it will keep me sane.

In other news, my epic cough is back.  so not happy about that, but not back to work until the 7th, so I'm hoping to get over the lions share of the lung infection.

Anyway that's it.  Be safe if you are going out.

Week 42

Have you ever felt like this on the road to mastery?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoaCiF1j7v8

I know I have because I'm Mr Incredible Baby!

Ok so I'm not Mr Incredible, but he does have a point here.  Several in fact.  Not the least of which is learning when you are in over your head and asking for help.

But by believing in your abilities and forging ahead we can make things happen.

Although sometimes that process makes us feel like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIujM_1NAPY

Ok just watch the Incredibles 2, it's worth the giggle.

Week 41

I sit here blogging, many thoughts swirling around.  Had a few ideas, but nothing is really sticking out as being a topic to expand on.

So I go to an old fall back.  Raising awareness of species that humans have had a direct cause of going extinct.  For example:  Did you know the Woolly Mammoths and Mastodons were not only cold climate animals?  They weren't!  The largest Mammoth in fact was the Columbian Mammoth.

Their territory was from the north states to Costa Rica.  AND Mammoths are not closest related to African Elephants even though they look mostly like them.  The Asian Elephant is closest related.  The wildest part is that the Columbian Mammoth was the largest, and swam to the Channel Islands near California and became the smallest Mammoths - the Pygmy Mammoth.

And then people showed up and went CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP!

Nice of em, but have we really learned anything since then?  We still don't know how to manage our resources and we still wage wars over oil, narcotics, water, and other resources.  The bottom line is the most important thing to humans as an unfortunate whole is money.  So long as that is the case, we will continue to allow big business to make decisions for us, to elect leaders who cater to them, and to lament their choices without actually doing anything to change it.

Week 40

Here we are again, late on a Tuesday.  Time goes so fast as is, and it always picks up speed at the end of the year.  So many things to get organized. Where to begin?

Christmas is madness with family arriving and finding places to put them.  Grading and demos practice time and days of, always a hand full. And on and on and on.

Today is just about getting something on line.  That's part of the journey.  Even when you don't have time, or don't know what to say, still put it out there and tick one more off the list.  Not a great blog, but being the next Shakespeare isn't a quality of a champion.  Follow through is.  So we follow through.

Week 39

So no excuses, I forgot to blog.  I kept thinking, Ok I have to do that and then promptly wandered off to the next thing.  So that is full on my fault. 

What to write about?  Well I recently saw a documentary that made me have some very strong mixed emotions.  It was about using cloning to resurrect extinct species.  Now I'm not a big fan of cloning but I am a huge fan of NOT wiping species off the planet because we are irresponsible twits. I won't get into the whole religious perspective, but I do think it is a very slippery slope ethics wise.  In a way cloning can start to devalue life.  Oh that's gone, ok lets bake up a new one... DING! ready.  Seriously, did  you know for 100G you can have your pet cloned in Asia so when they die you have and exact genetic match and don't have to say goodbye to rover or spot?  You can even customize them to have neon toenails!  I'm not kidding, it's a real thing!  That's crazy!

However in some ways, I feel it would be a good thing to make amends for species that we are directly responsible for destroying.  Such as the thylacine commonly known as the tasmanian tiger( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thylacine , the giant moa of New Zealand ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/South_Island_giant_moa ), and the elephant bird of Africa( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_bird ) to name only a few.

This documentary had several others on the list but the one that made me feel extra ookie was the Neanderthal.  I have no idea why I was so shocked about that ability.  I mean we have how many humans running around the place and according to these scientists a great number have Neanderthal DNA (which I have to admit I believe considering my dating history).  But to refer to resurrecting a human species as casual as you please in a documentary listed as extinct animals made my brain fall out.

Are they animals or people?  The documentary referred to them loosely as both.  WHAT!?  So, cloning in general in most countries is illegal, and cloning people is super illegal... but they want to put cloning Neanderthals on the to do list.  I don't know about you guys, but DANG!  THAT AIN'T RIGHT! 

Even if you did clone them, then what?  Put them in a Zoo?  It's not like they can get a job.  Unless it's working on the oil patch or driving cab - then maybe, but still!  You want to bring people into a world they don't understand, have no ability to function in, and then what? They won't have any culture, that is learned behavior and the last thing we need is more people acting like a bunch of entitled snots with a god complex.  Humans have that covered thanks.

I need to stop ranting, I'm getting all worked up.  Anyway, something to think about.  Just because we have the ability to do something, doesn't mean we should be doing it.  We need to think about what we do and how that effects things down the line. 

Week 38

Every week I find myself searching for something to write about.  If I think I have an idea, I try to note it down so I don't forget come blog time.  As the week evolves, emotions and perspectives flow and change, some of them become less important.  Well maybe not less important but less relevant in the moment.

This coupled with the sheer volume of blog expectations makes blogging one of the hardest requirements for me.  Include the massive demand my life has on time, and I find it very difficult to keep up with the requirements. 

And though I have posted something for every week, they have not always been in their week allotted.  Last week case in point was posted on a Tuesday, not the previous Friday.  I thought I was so cleaver making blog day on a Friday to give a buffer for completion.  Life has had other ideas.  So I guess the success of my completion of the blogging aspect is subjective. 

I have not completed all the assignments by their allotted times, but I have gotten something on line for every assigned week with in 48 hours of their due dates.  Is the success measured by the letter of the requirement, or by the spirit of it?  I'm not really asking, I know the answer.  I'm just talking to myself in an attempt to jog the grey matter into producing something of relevance and interest.  Doesn't seem to be working.

I guess a better question is at what point does the requirement stop being an assignment and become a life tool?  Where and how does that para dime shift happen?  Write about the journey.  Take consistent action.  Create habits that become lifestyle changes.   These are all steps for creating change.  But when does change happen?  Is it a sudden epiphany?  Is it a stealthy transference that happens gradually when you aren't paying attention to making it manifest?  Is it somewhere in between?  Is it consistent to all aspects?  Is it easier to change driving habits than it is to change study habits?  Is there a secret catalyst to accelerate change?  Once change happens, is it there forever?

The thing is there are so many variables to creating and maintaining change.  In my experience changes happen as uniquely as their situation and some changes need to be reinforced where as others are just there BLAM! no looking back.  Yet as diverse as they are, they all have one process in common.  Have a goal, take consistent action.  Including a success coach and reviews of the process are also great, but to me they are supporters of the core.  Know what you want, and work for it.  It's as simple and has hellishly hard as that.

Week 37

So my uncle is back in the hospital.  His kidney issues have escalated again and have now developed a heart problem for good measure.  Not sure how long he will be in, or if he will come out at all.  I guess we will wait and see.  The last few years have been chokkerblock full of funerals.  Not fun.

Week 36

"It's been a long days' night, and I've been workin like a dog"
Truer words I've not heard today.  Escalations, process reviews, and all manner of work related brain damage.  So much brain damage :(

"It's been a long days' night, I should be sleeping like a log"
Well it's a bit early for bed, but rest assured I'll be doing some heavy power sleeping in just a little while.  Hopefully Mira won't decide she's not ready for bed and attacking my toes under the blankets is a good idea.  I make no assumptions considering she thought it was the best idea last night.  Nothing like thinking she's finally settled down and you are drifting off, only to have a her burrow under the covers and put a cold, wet nose on your feet.  She's a weird dog.

Anyway, I'm tired and I'm not that much of a Beatles fan to begin with.  Although when I was in Liverpool I did go to a bar that they had preformed in before they made it big, at least so the story goes.

Ah Liverpool, described by those who live there as the armpit of the UK.  I didn't find it unpleasant, but that was what they said.  I did point out it could have been worse... it could have been the butt crack of the UK.  That seemed to make them feel better.  My work there was done.

Week 35

So the tournament has come and gone again.  This is the first year I have competed in our tournament.  Normally I take an admin roll, but as an IHC member, it is a requirement to compete.  So I competed.

In spite of the lung infection I have been battling, I took part in the pool noodle sword fight.  I knew I would pay for it but it was worth it and a lot of fun.  Thanks to everyone for showing up and contributing your time, expertise and smiles. 

Week 34

So a quick apology for the late blog.  I've been battling a lung infection (yes I went to the Dr) and I'm hoping this will be my first full day back at work.  We'll see.  The last time I had this much sick time was when I had H1N1 and I was really hoping it would just kill me and get it over with.  But I have to get back to work, the bills won't pay themselves (more is the pity).

But is hasn't all been lounging on the couch coughing my brains out, other things have been happening with or without me.  Such is the nature of life.

Remember if you will the opening to 60 minutes, with the image of the stop watch ticking away.  I've always found that ominous.  Yet that is the image that keeps playing over and over in my head.  This weekend I found out that my Aunt Audrey died on Saturday, and my Uncle George is suffering from kidney failure and has been shuttled off to the hospital 3 times a week for dialysis. 

Makes you realize that the people who you grew up with are becoming so fragile.  Somehow when you think of them, you see them as frozen in time as they were when you were little.  That you get older but nothing else changes outside your immediate sphere of influence.  My Grandfather used to say, the older you get, the faster time goes.  He wasn't just whistling Dixy.

Anyway, my lounges are killing me and I have to get my head in the game.

Week 33

Mastery is not the absence of failure.  Mastery is understanding that failure is the symptom of a problem.  Mastery is understanding the problem and creating resolution.  Mastery is knowing when to differ to others.  Mastery is knowing when to lead.  Mastery is knowing when to ask for help.  Mastery is knowing when others need help.  Mastery is understanding your abilities and using them to grow beyond your own expectations.  I believe the true test of Mastery is standing in front of a mirror, looking yourself in the eye and being able to say "I like and am proud of that person".

Week 32

Here I sit, trying to think of something to write.  Blogging every week is important, but it does deplete the creativity.  Talk about the journey, be meaningful, and so on.  The journey for self awareness is a tricky one. 

It's interesting the things you remember when you sit in deep reflection.  Things from years past that have been long forgotten.  Some relevant, some not.  It takes time to sort them out, find context either original or current. 

I had a discussion with Sifu Hayes some time back about the evolution of the mind and brain.  How as a person ages there are physical changes to the brain and how that can potentially affect perspective. 

This is something I had noticed in practicum over Christmas one year when my nephews were talking about how the world works, and how they have it all figured out.  Listening to a 17 and two 20 somethings, my sister and I just looked at each other and giggled.  Were we ever so young?

Again, reflection proves that once I was so young and foolish.  Hopefully now I am not simply older and foolish.  Changes in the brain and perspective doesn't always equate to increased maturity or wisdom.

Week 31

I keep feeling like I'm going under.  Like I keep getting further and further behind.  When you lead the lifestyle that we do, I would think I'm only one in the chorus for those thoughts.  But just keep slogging through, making choices, breaking trail.

Work is busy, home is busy, here is busy, life is busy.  Slow the mind, reorganize, breathe.  It will all work out in the wash.

Week 30

So late blog, having trouble writing one actually.  The urge to skip it for one week is overwhelming.  But a promise is a promise and I have to at least try.

It's been a long month, and last week up to today have been no easier.  There was an issue at work with some quality control and a lack of team work.  Which isn't so bad, but with all things being high octane, I pitched a bit of a fit on Thursday.  This particular fit resulted in a "Coaching Opportunity" artfully given by my manager, and resulting in an escalation process including a "strategy meeting" today for resolution of said escalation process.

As it turned out, I ultimately ended up with the resolution I was going for, but at the cost of much brain damage, little sleep and an extra scoop of anxiety.  Sadly not just for me.

Then there's the personal life.  I took my dad to the specialist last Monday because his Dr thinks he may have skin cancer.  Last time it was cancer in his kidney, which turned out well, so I'm hoping there is no reason for alarm.  Now I just have to convince him of that.  And this on the heals of my aunt dying of cancer a few weeks ago.  A long and horrific battle that ended a beautiful person all too soon.  Then there is Uncle Ray and Aunt Hazel who are also losing to cancer.  And Ray's wife Vicky in August.. also cancer.  So ya, been interesting.

K I'm exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically, and now I'm done sharing. TTFN

Week 29

As is the way of being tech challenged, I think it's finally sorted out why I keep getting myself locked out of mighty networks.  Turns out the spamming issue that was being triggered by my posts was from posting the link to the blog itself instead of just to the specific entry.  Because I was posting the blog link to mighty network every week, it read it as spam.  So hopefully this is going to be rectified by posting only to the entry itself.

So not a great blog post but at least i will be getting postings from mighty network and not missing any events of important announcements

Week 28

I've been horribly sick this week.  I was off work for 3 days and then was sent home on day 4.  Friday I worked from home on one of the rare occasions because I didn't want to pay for gas and parking for the day only to leave half way through. 

I am feeling much better and the summer cold or whatever it was has found a new home in my brother... sorry Jake.  But I should be right as rain to get back to work on Tuesday.  Only to have to take the next day off for my Aunt's funeral.  I mentioned in previous blogs that she had been battling brain and liver cancer for a while now.  She had been bedridden for nearly a year and they all but stopped having people into there house for the last few years because she just couldn't handle having people in.  It was too exhausting.  This wonderful lady who was always kind, respectful, spoke to me on an adult level even when I was a child has been slowly wasting away in the cruelest way possible.  She died last Saturday and the funeral is on Wednesday afternoon.  So I'll be taking another day off work to head down and attend.  At least she's no longer in pain.

My Aunt Noel was a very religious lady, and one that was extremely intelligent and kind.  She married my mom's brother Larry on my 10th birthday, and I remember her brother singing "The Rose" at the wedding.  It was the first time I had heard that song and it stuck.  The wedding was in Calgary in the river valley.  It was the first out door wedding I had attended... well from what I could remember anyway.  It was a very beautiful July day, sun shining, blooming flowers, and many things I remember, like "The Rose" becoming my favorite song, and going out an learning it as soon as I could when we got home.  Though I could never find a rendition of that particular song that lived up to her brother's version.  He has an amazing voice.  Extremely soulful and haunting.

Now to be clear, I am telling facts.  No implications, stereotypes or anything like that.  My aunt was AfricanCanadian.  My cousins are mulatto, and I defy anyone to speak against their value as people.  I only bring this up because of the before mentioned memories.  Her brother, an AfricanCanadian man, had an amazing singing voice.  Their whole family are highly educated and very musical including Auntie Noel.  This is a simple fact, one that should not require definition but somehow always does.  Our world has gotten overly politically correct and everyone seems to be hunting for racial oppression in every comment or phrase.  I find it highly irritating that one must be overly critical of one's own words lest someone find misconception or implication where none exists.  So yes, my AfricanCanadian relative and her family are very musical and if anyone wants to read bigotry into that, well they can go pound sand.

I digress.

So I was trying to write a blog about being sick this week and how that to tell the honest truth stressed me out.  I'm a part of 2 teams.  My team at work and my team with all of you.  End of August is not a good time to be sick, especially right before September long weekend.  Every contractor, homeowner, excavator and their dogs are digging.  Final push for the last long weekend before the snow.  Couple that with everyone wants to take holidays (especially on long weekends) and you have a high volume, short staff situation.  Most wouldn't worry about that, but lets be clear, I pride myself on having minimal sick time and will drag my sorry carcass to work as long as I feel it's safe for me to drive.  Believe me when I say, I was in no shape for anything but Ni Quill and sleeping.

Then there is my second team.  Last week of August is back to school week.  We have classes shut down by popular demand and take the opportunity to do the clean up, reno and general housekeeping for the kwoon.  It's a big job, but many hands make light work.  It's also a requirement for the IHC to take part.  I bring that up to highlight how important a time it is.  As any owner of anything will attest, buying something is the cheap part.  Keeping it in good condition is where all the time, sweat equity, and money really come into play.  So to keep the kwoon in top shape, everyone pulls together and lends their expertise to the projects.  Over the years it has become a social and somewhat of a bonding experience.  The potato bakes seem to be the highlight of the week.  We used to get pizza, but this is more healthy and has an almost camping out feeling.  At least that's my impression.

Anyway, there we are in the throws of one of the most important times of year for both teams, and I'm out for the count.  I felt a great amount of guilt, pressure, and stress for not being there.  To be really accurate I think in all the years we've had the kwoon (over 15 years now) I have only missed this event in it's entirety this once.  There have been times where I could only attend certain days or times, but I've always made it every year for at least 1 day.  Shame to see the streak die, but believe me, you guys didn't want to be anywhere near my germ infested coil.  And for the record, yes my brother is still speaking to me, but only in single syllables.

Looking back over this blog, I'm sounding pretty confrontational.  Or at least that's how it's coming across to me.  That isn't intentional, but I think a manifestation of grief, and probably still a bit of brain recuperation.  I could delete this and write a happy blog or something of less controversy, but would that not be self defeating?  We are supposed to write about the journey.  And sometimes the journey is ugly, hard, unpolished.  Life isn't this sterile existence free of conflict.  There are times where it's an emotional outhouse and we end up slogging through it.  Life isn't always what we want others to think it is.  We aren't always what we want others to think we are.  So here is the truth about me.  Today I'm an irritated, stressed, grieving, blunt hot mess.  Hope I didn't ruin the surprise at the end here.

Week 27

This week has been derailed so to speak.  My aunt with brain cancer died this weekend.  She has been suffering for years and is no longer suffering.  Funny how the living try to comfort themselves with the well being of the dead.

There are many traditions that are based in our own fears or in old survival tactics that are no longer needed in society.  Like Brides Maids & Grooms Men.  That practice came about with warring tribes where decoys were dressed up the same as the Bride and groom in order to keep the enemy from picking out who was getting married from the crowd.  It was in essence a survival tactic that has become tradition.  It now serves a completely different purpose, but the practice has survived.

And I think I'm coming down with a summer cold.  Off to bed.

Week 26

We are over the half way mark, and I find myself doing a constant inventory of everything I have left on my list.  I also find myself struggling with things that are outside the routine. 

Most of the requirements are trudging along - guitar lesson every friday night, dog training on the weekends, and so on.  But there are certain times of the year that things ball up.  End of August is haying, Beginning of September is new students, End of October Black Belt Gradings, Christmas (well that's a ball of brain damage that is self explanatory), January new student adults and their new year resolutions, well you get the idea.

There is a lot going on, and on, and on.  But somehow we check things off the list.  Not as many as I would like, but here and there is evidence of progress.  Somehow when you are invested in a process, you do what you do to make time for it. 

Part of all of that is reevaluating your progress and your goals.  Those that are finished, those that are ongoing.  For example, I'm finding having my guitar instructor off shore is far more tricky than I had anticipated.  We are still doing our lesson, but we are at the mercy of internet connections and band width.  it can be frustrating.  But I've committed to my instructor and he has committed to me, so we make it work.  We may have to reevaluate that in the future should we find this is not sustainable, but we put in the effort and don't give up out of hand. 

Anyway, I really have nothing of profound importance, just more of the same.  Stay focused, stay on it, and set  yourself up for success.  As much as possible anyway.

Week 25

There are things that go bump in the night.  When you grow up, you stop believing in them.  In the place of that darkness comes something more tangible but no less invasive.  Stress, pressure, being pulled in all directions.  These are the night terrors of the real world.  They are not ethereal like goblins and monsters, but they keep you awake as surely as the glowing eyes in the closet of your youth.  Sadly, these denizens of the night are not so easily dispelled as realizing the glowing eyes belong to the cat who is napping in your laundry hamper.

With them they bring other conditions.  From fatigue comes depression, a sense of loss of power, and the desire to walk away.  The question is, how do we get through it?  We keep going, we pull together if needed, but we do not stagnate.

I remember some years ago I was  having a rather horrible couple of weeks.  I was ready to pack up the dog and the horses and move to the mountains as a hermit, never to be seen again.  I was done with humans, responsibility, society, social and professional environment.  I just didn't want to play anymore.  I made a somewhat droopy post on facebook.  One of only a hand full per year, and the response I got was overwhelming.  My friends were on instant alert with well wishes and offers to be  there.  Strange as it was, one of my guy friends, a man of few words, just posted a link to a song.  Corny and Cliche as it may be, I listened to that song.  If you are going through hell, keep going, you will make it out the other side. 

That gave me pause.  How many times do we feel we are "in Hell".  Emotionally, intellectually, spiritually?  How many times do we say to ourselves, I'm in Hell.  That implies lack of motion.  If you are in something, you are not moving forward.  If you are not moving forward, you won't get through the other side.

So I answer my question, how do we get through?  Keep going, you will make it to the other side.  That has become a bit of a mantra for me when things are looking their blackest.  Just keep going, you will make it through.

Week 24

So I've learned a couple things this week.  For one, I may have fixed the problem with my blogs not having any paragraphs.  Turns out my blog was defaulting to HTML.  Little does this non computer savvy person know, but apparently that is a code writing setting so all proper paragraphs and literary settings don't exist in it's opinion.  So we will try the compose setting and see if that is the magic bullet it claims to be.

I have learned that though taking guitar lessons over the internet when your instructor moves to the other side of the planet is possible, it comes with it's on set of frustrations when the bandwidth drops and you lose the live video meeting 7 times.  So we try to find a way to decrease the issues and soldier on.  Maybe I could go to Bali and get my lessons once a week... na the jet lag would kill me.

I have learned that if a skunk sprays something the smell will dissipate with time, but a dedicated puppy can find the stink and roll in it, leaving a slight almost ghost of a skunk smell.  So very attractive.  Especially when combined with the wonderful scent of swamp mud and pond water.  For the record, daily baths are not something baby T-Rex enjoys.

I already knew that time went at break neck speed and that there are not enough hours in the day, days in the weeks, and so on, but I keep finding myself thinking that I'll get it all done... lying to yourself does not make things work out.  #justsayin  Somehow you just have to pony up and get it done.  Amazing who sickness makes the pile higher.  Head down, move forward.

I have learned a great many other things, but lets face it, this is barely interesting.  So we'll move on.  I didn't take a "holiday" this year.  Except at Christmas.  I do my best to always book Christmas off, if for nothing else but a sanity check.  I just booked a long weekend here, a midweek day there.  I'm really missing the actual shutdown time.  But with everything going on, it's probably better this way.  I don't have the extra time to spend doing nothing.  Again, I schedule time to do laundry.  How sad is that?

But I digress, remember the positives and wish me luck with the blog fix.  I'm sure once I hit publish we will know if there really is hope for technology.  #technologysucks #justsayin

Week 23

You know it's been a full week when your puppy is a clepto and your niece is a fish. Well mermaid really. For her birthday, my sister bought her mermaid lessons. Yes that's a real thing. Apparently she earns a certification that is registered with scuba diving standards. Who knew? Dressing up in a tail and swimmers isn't just for vegas anymore. As for the dog, well she has realized that the neighbor to the north has a yard full of doggie toys that she was quite happily bringing home and playing with. Took a day or two to figure out what was happening, but the end result is I met 2 of the neighbors in the subdivision while returning the ill gotten booty. Can you imagine that conversation? Hi my parents are your neighbor to the south, we are very anti social with no real interest of becoming friends, and our new puppy is ripping you off... sorry and nice to meet you. No not really, but it was interesting. Never a dull moment, like this morning jumping out of bed because there was a calf on the highway bordering the farm. Had to rush out there and stuff the lil bugger back in and then find the whole in the fence. Naturally it was the bottom wire in the middle of the pond. No real way to get to it except take off the shoes and walk in up to my knees in mud and water. Thankfully the bottom of the pond was spongy with vegetation. I was worried about sinking and getting stuck. The other blessing is the pond's water is low right now. Usually it's over 8ft deep which can make things very interesting. But between my brother and I, we got it done and off to the next chore, and the next chore and the next. It never fails to amaze me how different people in town are from rural people. For example, persons on rural properties know that there is always work to be done and with out short summers the lions share has to be done sooner rather than later. Where as town people don't have that same mentality. I hear this quite often at work, are you going to K-Days, are you going to the accidental beach down town, are you going to whatever other event someone dreamed up? You politely say no, and then change the subject. Why? Because telling them that you see no reason to drive an hour into the city, give yourself brain damage finding a place to park, and sit with 200 strangers on a sand bar full of river snot. Especially a river that the city of around a million use as a toilet. Ya, thanks, but no. But I digress. I needed a blog post and there it is. Different people develop different mentalities and priorities with different environments and responsibilities. That and city people are crazy. #justsayin

Week 22

I find myself straining to get a topic for this weeks blog. So I'll go off on a tangent and see if it develops into something worth saving. Today my brother was watching a movie he just bought. One of the newer Dwayne Johnson movies, Rampage. It was somewhat cheesy complete with groan worthy one liners, but all in all a cute little way to decompress via mindless entertainment. During the movie, the my puppy was very agitated. Jumping into and out of laps, pacing the floor and knocking over things deliberately with her paws. It wasn't the gunfire or explosions, she's seen many of those movies and has never fussed. It was the roaring. The wolf howls and gorilla screams to be specific. They were too realistic for her liking I guess. Strange though as she hears coyotes howl weekly at the farm and that never phases her. I thought about it some more and began to see her behavior was worse when the wolf noises were on. Made me wonder if that has some deep seeded instinct to fear a wolf howl, where a coyote howl doesn't have the same effect. Is that something that is hardwired into her like the herding instinct? Is to something to do with her age and will she grow out of it? Is it something that she will always go to the fear well when she hears the howl of a wolf. Maybe you think I'm giving her too much credit, but they have proven that Border Collies have the intelligence of a human child up to 7 years of age. She has demonstrated the ability to problem solve and to apply knowledge from one arena to another. They are also known for their excellent hearing and ability to focus their attention well beyond the average. I see no reason that she wouldn't be able to tell the difference between coyote and wolf vocalizations, and that the vocalizations of the latter would cause her duress where as the former is something within her sphere of normal. Take it a step further to human thought processes. There are things that are instinctually feared with humans, and things that are learned behaviors. For example, I am claustrophobic. This is a learned behavior. I had a bad experience in a small area as a child, and the result is an irrational fear that has followed me through life. One that has to be managed. One that no mater how much exposure I do (caving, crowds, elevators, etc.) the fears always just as strong as the last time and I find myself employing practiced mental discipline to function normally. And even then, my definition of normal function is pushed to the agitated spectrum. My concentration is brought into a very narrowed focus, at times giving me the appearance of zoning out. A more accurate description would be I'm zoning in, to the very narrowed focus of managing the irrational fear. Everything outside that management takes a back seat, sometimes to the point of not registering them. So in a large crowd, please don't take offense if I ignore you. It's far better than pitching a fit in a crowd. But I digress, claustrophobia in my case is a learned behavior. Where as my healthy respect for heights is, I believe, and instinctual behavior. I am not afraid of heights in the traditional sense. I have no issue of going to a high place, but I do become more careful and go into the threshold of the adrenal state. Not anxiety per say, but definitely not a relaxed one either. I go into high places with no reservations or apprehension, just become super aware of every foot and hand hold. I have no memory of every having an issue with high places so I assume that it is something that was hardwired into humans over the evolutionary process. Honestly I think I'm watching way too many documentaries on human behavior, I should watch more cartoons.

Week 21

Today's blog is all about instant karma. Like eating a jar of jalipino peppers. It's all fun and exciting today, but it's going to burn your butt tomorrow. For example, I thought it would be cute and mental stimulating to take my puppy's ball and stick it in a tote bin with the lid on. She has to problem solve to get her ball back. Worked like a charm and was cute as can be watching her figure it out. Problem is I didn't think ahead to say today where she would come up with new and creative ways to apply that knowledge. Like getting into a sealed Tupperware and eating all the muffins, or like last night getting the bananas and eating 2.5 of them. She will be in full firehoze mode today. Le sigh. Remember to think ahead before acting.

Week 20

I was at a funeral on Saturday, hence my absence from the meeting. It was for my 2nd cousin Vicki. She had a sudden heart attack on July 1st and died at 85. Vicki was married to my mom's cousin Ray. She was a stick of dynamite, which to me has more value than someone with no tenacity or worse yet, honesty. Vicki was married and had 7 children. Her husband had a heart attack and she was left to raise her 7 kids on her own until she met Ray. Ray didn't bat an eye, he just loved her and the children with no questions or reservations. I was 4 years old when they got married, and no I'm not telling you how many years because no one needs to do the math. Anyway back to Vicki. Stick of dynamite. Vicki was almost 5ft tall, but she had a big personality and voice to match. She was not formally educated, but she was a shrewd business woman and co-ran the hardware store Ray's father left him. Together they had a successful and happy life. They lived simply and enjoyed family, day car trips, wood working and building crafts to sell at farmers markets, and keeping up on the small town gossip. Vicki and Ray were very close with my parents and us kids. Their spontaneous visits were always welcome, and we knew the door was always open to us (if you could catch them at home - we always called first before going up there). I remember the time Vicki's kids got her and Ray a trip to BC on the train. Quite a pricy gift and one I know they were both looking forward to, but neither of them were big fans of the idea of being away from home over night let alone for a week. So they came and asked me to take care of their place (I was in my 20's). Vicki eyed me up and asked me how much I wanted to watch their place for a week, ever ready to negotiate the best deal. I told them I needed a book shelf, and if Ray built me a book shelf, I would watch their house. Seemed like a great deal to both of us. So I went up the weekend before they left learned all about the little quirks of the house and how much to feed Vicki's spoiled fish (she had a huge tank in the living room and dad used to tease her that they were pan sized). They left with peace of mind and I had a nice relaxing week taking care of their place. It was literally the only time I enjoyed "living" in town. A few weeks after they got back, Ray and Vicki pulled into the yard... with matching book shelves. I asked for only one. On top of that they handed me a few hundred dollars. I tried to protest, as all I wanted was the shelves, but they insisted. In her gruff way, Vicki was very generous and once she made up her mind, well it was a done deal. Ray and I actually talked about that time on Saturday. He surprised me when he brought it up, like he could tell what I was thinking about. Vicki was a stick of dynamite. I didn't realize at the time, but I learned something from her. I realized it this weekend when I was reflecting on her life, what I knew of her, what affection we had for her. She taught me that even if your opinion is not popular or politically correct, it is still your voice. You have a right to it and you have to stick to it. These are things that I have said to others many times, but I never associated the wisdom to her until now. She lived that way, she didn't care who you were, if she had something to say popular or not, you got it right between the eyes with both barrels. I respect that immensely. She never took me aside and spelled it out for me, she just was who she was. Her strength was just there for me to learn from. Sadly an unacknowledged gift, I would have liked to let her know the positive influence she had. I'm worried about Ray though. Ray has had bone cancer for a while now. He hasn't got a lot of time left, few months, maybe a year at best. Ray is the opposite of Vicki. He's no one's fool, but he is a soft spoken gentile soul. I hope he doesn't give up, though I can understand if he wanted to be reunited with his wife. So Ray is alone now, he has good neighbors, family and friends to look out for him, but they are not Vicki. I'll keep an eye out for him as best I can as will the rest of the family. Still, that house is going to be very quiet without his stick of dynamite. Cherish those who are in your heart, it's the only place you really get to keep them.

Week 19

Just leaving Anbotsford listening to 80's Classic Rock calculating the next leg of the trip. My cousins wedding was wonderful. I don't think I've ever seen Robert so happy and his wife Julie Lynn is a lovely person who radiates warmth. She looked amazing. Like she just stepped out of a fairytale. Robert was over joyed that all 10 of us cousins were together. It's been roughly 30 years since that happened. Ironically it was at our cousin Dianne's wedding. But we're all together. Aunt Florence, her daughters Sharon and Dianne. Aunt Elfredia, her 3 sons David, Kevin, and Robert. My dad Wilfred and the 5 of us, Josie, Erna, Gord, me, and Jake. Of course there were spouses, friends and +1's but again over 30 years of my grandparents direct decendants together. Robert was very moved. Some of us were chatting and David was saying how strange it was that he sees us all as piers, yet we all have different memories of what the family was like when we were kids(respectively). I agree, it's hard to fathom, but when you thunk about how far we have come. For example, David is 14 years older than I am. We hang out and are best of friends. But my memories are much different than his. He was 20 when grandpa died, I was 6. So yes it stands reason that we have vastly different memories of the same man. My memories of David, Kevin and Robert we of following them around with a good measure of hero worship. Robert rough housed with us and David read to us. Kevin was the wildcard. I credit him for influencing my sense of humor. He even commented on how we are both entertained by the same silliness. I really miss those guys in the times we don't see each other. Bottom line it was a great weekend. It wouldn't have been possible if not for the support of Dan & Mel. They babysat my puppy and that was such a huge contribution to peace of mind. So thanks. In the mountains, going to lose signal, so thanks and chat later

Week 18

Did you know that Timmy never actually fell down a well? He fell down every gopher hole and quantum singularity he could find, but never a well. Which then begs the question, where were his parents? You have a kid with a complete lack of ability to learn from his mistakes, no common sense, and insensible desire to go mucking about in dangerous environments. I'm thinking after the first 2 times they would keep a better eye on him and not rely on his faithful K-9 companion to keep saving his bacon. But hey, I'm not a parent, and I haven't been able to stop my puppy from pestering the skunk that moved in so maybe I should be less judgy. One of these days, Mr. Stinkybutt is going to spray her instead of the area she used to occupy and she will be an outside dog so fast her head will spin. That being said, we look at Timmy and his wayward ways and think about the times. A simpler time, yet "less evolved" and "less civilized" by our modern standards. Is it really so much better now? Lets fast forward to today and see what Timmy's life would entail. "What's that Lassie? Timmy is cooking meth in the garage and the neighbor called the POPO? Quick girl, grab that broom and help me get rid of the evidence before the 5-O rolls up in here!" Ah to be a more evolved society, kinda brings a tear to your eye don't it? The really sad part is there are so many much worse things that could be filled in. The world has gotten so small people from anywhere can find anyone, learn about their lives and even with the right knowledge and desire, find where they live and any other desired information. The online world is a dangerous place, and yet there is a complete lack of common sense it's users operate under. They think because they are behind a keyboard that they are "safe" and that their "on line friends" are good people who they have known for years. Their sense of stranger danger is completely gone. It makes horrified that someone I know wanted to go to Egypt and stay with an online friend, and when the "friend" found out she wasn't traveling alone, suddenly he didn't want her to come. She thought it was because it was a small place. I thought it was because it's harder to stuff 2 people in a sack and ship them who knows where than it is to stuff in 1. Its sad that our journey of evolution comes with a degree of blind trust that overrides our ability to stay safe. And that the need to stay safe is more important than ever. There was a time that it was said "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." now it's "what happens in Vegas stays on Youtube." and once it's out there, there is no way to bring it back. I guess the point, valued readers, is to remember that evolution of society is a wonderful thing, but it's not all paved with gold and good intentions. Be Smart, Be Aware, and Be Safe.... and if you see an old abandoned well, don't play in it cause I'm pretty sure Lassie is not going to show up for the rescue.

Week 17

So this post is late, I've been having a hard time getting my head around it. Family. Everybody has one in some form or other. I've been having a family situation where my parents have been letting themselves be taken advantage of by some not nice people. They know how to manipulate my dad and that keeps them around. I've been trying for years to cut the ties and every time I think I'm making progress, I slide back to the beginning. But I keep at it, much as I would like to smash my face in the keyboard until my ears bleed, because they are my family. As much stress and strife that causes, I am thankful that my family isn't as hard off as others. For those of you at the IHC class on Thursday you heard the story of my co worker and her situation. A story that doesn't need to be repeated. That type of reckless violence for the sake of violence and intimidation doesn't need to be rehashed, but it does need to be recognized and a stand taken against it. That being said, it also gives me cause to stop and be thankful that as much as the situation I am dealing with is unhealthy and in need of being stopped, it at least is non violent. My parents are not in danger of being put in the hospital from the actions of others. So I stand with my co worker in her struggle to end the violence, I stand with my parents to end the manipulation, and I stand with people who are wanting to make the change to a better world. But I won't glorify the sins of those who are perpetuating these unnecessary acts. I stand against them.

Week 16

This weekend has been spent on one of my personal requirements. Learning to scuba dive. It's been around 8 years single I have done this and it a challenge to say the least. New skills, early starts of 4 hour sessions in the pool followed by hours of classroom and exams. I passed my written final and course units, and I haven't drown yet so I'm assuming that is a positive. I'm exhausted and have another 6:30 start on the south side tomorrow. More next week.

Week 15

Remedy for a rough day, week, month whatever is simpler than we sometimes thing. Today was a rough day, but it was made instantly better when I got home and ended up with a puppy missile to the chest. There was wiggles and woofs, scratches and silliness. What really got me is when she laid down at my feet, rolled over, gave me the most gleeful look and bit me on the foot. I'm like "you dork". There she is, on her back, paws in the air, ears flopped back and a big goofy grin. Now how can that not make your day better. So I took and extra ten minutes and played with her. Cuddles and scratches and a measure of rough housing. I feel like a new person. Soon as I'm finished here, we're going for a walk in the back 40. I'll bring the ball launcher and she can chase that tennis ball to her hearts content. If it goes down a gopher hole, no worries, she will dig until she retrieves her treasure and love every minute of it.... Is it wrong to be jealous of your dog?

Week 14

So Pandamonium was a success for the most part. I'm sure the numbers are still being tallied and the totals for the charities should be wonderful. The face painting was a hit (thank you Mrs Chiasson), the baked goodies were wonderful, and I think the bookmark passport challenge was very well received. I know students and non students alike took part in the festivities and judging from all the smiles we had a good run. I was disappointed in my performance in the demo. I know we've all had these moments of brain farting, so here is a special thanks to Mrs Kohut for covering my bacon when I choked... first time for everything. But this whole demo experience has me excited in spite of the little glitches. For years we have been working toward the concept of showing up some place and banging out a demo with no warning, practice or preparation for the performers. And I think the way this demo developed, we are well on our way to achieving it. I also like the new concept of inclusion. In the past 2 years, people who were not at the demo practices are being included in the demos. There was a time that if you weren't there for the practice, you didn't go on, and that counted against your total for the year. Lets face it, you can't count a demo towards your requirements you weren't in. I think this change, unannounced as it was, is a testament to how far we have come in our preparedness, adaptability, maturity (as a team) and overall team work. And I think the fact that it has come into being without notice or acknowledgement says a lot of how such a huge change can take place with such seamless transition that people don't even notice it's happening. As if the new way is the way it has always been. That is something we can all be proud of. Great job guys!

Week 13

Lucky 13. This week we are officially 1/4 of the way through our Dog Team Year. Went fast didn't it? So why is this a thing. Well I don't know about you guys but I find my list isn't getting smaller fast enough. All the big plans, and strategies gone to pot. For example, My blogs were to be split into quarterly updates. Fitness, Personal Requirements, Kwoon Requirements, and of course the Journey. In case you haven't noticed, THAT didn't happen. So for the sake of pretending I have my poop in a group, here is the sitrep: Physical requirements, plodding along but not breaking any records for being done early Personal Requirements, Guitar is coming along. I am working on 4 songs, 3 different scales, and have started finger picking. The dog training is probably the most far ahead. Mira is a very intelligent pup which makes it very easy to teach her. The problem is she is so smart sometimes she doesn't feel the need to follow direction. She looks at you as if to say "I know what you want, but I fail to see why it's important that I do it when I could be chasing that cat over there. You do realize the cat can't be trusted?" The scuba diving is coming up. I have fallen behind on my trips to the pool, but I am still swimming the 250m required with no issues. My medical is all clear - though my Dr felt the need to remind me 8 times that I'm over 40 now... apparently my warranty is expired or something - and my 3 day intensive course is in a couple weeks. After that I have my open water exam and that should be finished. The 1000 acts of kindness assignment will be completed by Pandamonium. Though I wanted to have it completed in 10 weeks, I guess I'll have to settle for 14. The sad part is I could have been done had I kept on top of recording them, and so on. I find myself informally reviewing the importance of the school requirements. It's always easier to keep up with the personal ones because they are goals for yourself that you created. I do find some of the school requirements far harder to keep up to. Specifically blogging. Don't panic! I'm not advocating against blogging! I just find it by far the most challenging. Open communication and offering a view into my world are not with in my sphere of comfort. I'm quite happily tucked into my own little world of antisocial behaviour and avoidance of interaction. I learned some very ugly lessons a long time ago, and though I choose not to allow those experiences rule my life, I do have to keep them in check in order to maintain some semblance of social skills (and yes they are all artificial - I'm as socially awkward as it gets). By allowing them to affect me, I give power to those who cruel and invasive. That is not power they deserve. So I blog, I put forward (limited) personal information and thoughts, and I move on. The blogging is the vessel for these windows into the darkness. Without the blog, the opening to my world would be much harder for others to find. So for this part of the journey, the accountability, the bonding, the team spirit... this is how I reach back.

Week 12

Nothing fancy tonight. My uncle is in the hospital awaiting a triple bypass. Dad was in Fort McMurray and the boys were at work when we got the call my uncle wasn't doing well. One of those "if you want to see him" kinda calls. So I had to take care of getting mom to Calgary, family first and all that. As it turned out he stabilized and we came home, but that's why I wasn't at the clean up. He is scheduled to go in for his triple bypass in 2 days. There is a fine line between needing emergency surgery and being too unstable to proceed. Not operating could kill just as fast as operating. As it happens, they have gotten him stable. With luck next weeks blog will be longer and more positive.

Week 11

Ok so I just deleted around 5 paragraphs. I didn't really know what I wanted to say, and I wasn't saying it very well. The larger concept I was going for was organization and accountability. I had anecdotes from work, life, and training. It just wasn't working. I guess the bottom line is keeping all the requirements moving toward "completion" is tricky at best. I don't know about everyone else but I could use about another 20 hours in the week. There is a lot on the go and keeping it all balanced, mindful and progressive is an accomplishment that shouldn't be underrated. Organization, follow through, and focus are the keys. If you start letting one thing slide, the others go right off the edge with it. Take each aspect one at a time and make them manageable pieces. You might have a huge pile of pieces to deal with, but eventually by taking consistent action, it all gets accomplished. I guess that's the idea for this week, don't get overwhelmed by the whole, make it manageable, and make it happen.

Week 10

The running tally continues. That being said I am going out of town tomorrow for a few days and realize that I am going to be too lazy, tired, or whatever excuse comes to mind to blog. Now that the confession is over, I am learning from last week's fiasco and posting early there in removing my ability to screw up. Well in this particular instance, there are plenty of other things I can make a mess of. But I digress. The blog I should have written last week is rolling over this week. I'm not totally convinced I want to write this particular blog, as I have spent the better part of the past 30 years keeping my personal and kung fu lives separate. Crossing that boundary is uncharted territory. One I'm still convincing myself is for the better. The question I keep coming back to is, who benefits from the "better" Did you notice I dodged around it again? Ok here goes. My mom had 12 siblings. 2 years ago the eldest of her younger brothers died in a fire taking the total from 6 boys in the family to 5. This year we are facing the fact that the oldest (her sister) has critical lymphatic leukaemia, has been taken off of chemo treatments and has been in the hospital since last Saturday. Very soon there will be 6 girls in the family, down from 7. Mom's sister in law (wife of one of the twins - youngest boys) has been battling brain cancer for the last few years. She has 20 growths in her brain, and they have now found 2 growths in her liver. She has 3 months to a year left. And though not in the same category for most, my 26 year old horse is slipping away. I've had her since she was 4 months old and she has been my best friend for over 2 decades. She is rapidly losing the battle of time, and I am doing everything I can to make her final time (however long that is) as comfortable as possible. I am dreading the day I have to make that call to the vet. It gets closer every day. Like playing Emotional Russian Roulette. Sadly they are all on borrowed time. But as I learned long ago Life and Death are 2 halves of the same whole. My parents gave us the gift of not sheltering us from experiences good or bad. Life has a valuable teacher called experience. Though some of them are harsher than others.

Week 9

So this is an unintentional situation. Part of consistent blogging is having a blog day. At least for me it is. My day is Friday. Sometimes I post on Saturday if things have been rushed, and so far it has worked. But not this week. This week I have been dealing with more than the usual life stuff and come Friday evening started coming down with a migraine that proved it was in for the duration. Lasting all day Saturday and into today. The reasons are not intended to excuse, but to give back story. Bottom line is I didn't blog on time. Thing is there are a couple ways to look at this situation. 1) I could have blogged any day this past week. I didn't have to wait until Friday. That means i didn't set myself up for success when I should have. My fault and failure. 2) I blogged as soon as I was able and though late followed the intention of the journal if not the exact letter of it. Regardless of how you view the situation, the fact remains my week 9 blog went live in the beginning of week 10. Being something I take seriously, I feel taking public accountability of my lack of action is important. I see it no different than a speeding ticket. The signs for speed allowances are (in most cases) clearly posted, and where not posted there are understood guidelines of expectation. This is a known fact. When I choose to speed and get caught, I am accountable in that I was aware of the expectation and chose to not act accordingly. Many people plane the police officer giving the ticket, which I think is silly. That person has no control of the choices I make, however they are tasked with dealing with the results of the choices I make. So at the end of the day, I pay my fine and accept I have control of my gas pedal. Just as I have control of my keyboard. Moral of the story is I'll do better.

Week 8

The bane of my existence... in C major No not really, though I do find many people live as though everything is a massive disaster. Others not so much, G major. I often find myself saying "That's my first world problem for today" and sometimes I say it more than once. G major 7. The thing is it's very easy to forget yourself and get caught up in the little frustrations. I have by no means gotten that particular habit under control, as anyone who spends more than 5 seconds realizes, C major. But there is a difference between a good vent and actually stockpiling frustrations, C major. Sometimes its the small transitions that make all the difference, A minor. Such as remembering that we have a home, food, and a family who usually loves us but makes no promises in the heat of the moment when we are melting down, D major 7. So I do my best, as often as needed to remember that there are worse things out there than what ever currently has my Irish up, G major. There are things that are quite powerful in positivity in this world that can be easily overlooked if you are distracted by things that are irritating but have no real impact, G major. Like when second cup runs out of whipped cream for my caramel hot chocolate, not ideal but is it really worth self-destructing the rest of my day? G major. No it's really not, G major 7. And yet I've seen people implode over just such an occasion (not me) C major. It gives me cause to wonder if they realize the impact they are having on the person they are raining pain on because their mocha frapawhatever won't make their butt as big as fast, C major. If anything the person at the barista is doing them a favour for not adding the fluffy good stuff to their impending heart attack, A minor. I mean I'm all for accountability and doing your best at your job and not making mistakes that will impact others, A minor 7. Sometimes it's a reality, which is unfortunate but again is it really worth choosing to be upset over? D major. I don't think so, D major 7. The real trick is keeping that choice in front of you, the fact that you choose to be happy, sad, angry, goofy, belligerent or whatever, G major. You have that power and you choose to see things as a disaster or as a first world problem, G major 7. I think what a lot of us don't realize is, it's those little challenges that define us and make us stronger or weaker. Make us happy or miserable, make us what we are because they drive what we do. It's up to us to change that difficult cord and turn it into a positive note, C major.

Week 7

So it's blog time again. The team meeting was interesting. I learned some new awesome things about our team. But what struck me was how reluctant people were to talk about themselves. I could be reading it wrong, but I think a lot of people were selfconcios. Not surprising really, more puzzling. We always talk about bonding and being a team and a support structure, yet we spent a lot of time discussing how hard it is for us to really pull together and form bonds. We had some good suggestions on how to resolve it, but still I wonder if it is less to do with reaching out an more to do with our own fears of rejection. I'm fairly sure at one point or other we have questioned ourselves, at least I know I have had my struggles with feeling like I was valued. So in the end, know I value you and see you as someone with something to contribute. It's not just about finding your voice, it's about believing others want to hear it. I want to hear your voice.

Week 6 - The Sequel

So I thought I would post a follow up on the swimming front. Bought a bunch of my gear and my scuba course yesterday. Went for my swim, figured I would try out the prescription goggles (which are awesome) and the diving booties. I didn't want to use the fins yet, because I thought I should get used to a few pieces at a time, and I knew the fins would make the swim easier by a large margin. So on went the booties. Holy Crapolie I thought I was gonna drown! Those boots weigh nothing when dry and are so comfy you forget you are wearing them. But get em wet, and you might as well try to tow a car engine across the pool. Pretty sure I looked like an Orca with a back problem, flopping around and puffing away. Special thanks to Mr. Sollinger for not falling over laughing (he subbed in for Sifu Beckett because she couldn't make our swim appointment). Aside from looking like a drowning fool, it cut my swim in half. I only completed 12 lengths as apposed to the 20 I have worked to build up to. Each length is 25m so 20 lengths is 500m or a half km, and I was rather proud of my progress. Add the booties, and wham! down to a quarter km and legs feeling like they went 10 times that far. So what is the moral of this story, well I'll be wearing booties and working my way back up. I was still able to complete the required 250m for the course wearing the booties, and the course is in June, so I have time to build up the strength. Not a lot of time, but still time to work on it.

Week 6

I have a few minutes so I thought I would post early this week. This is sort of a shout out as much as a blog post. Part of my year of the dog journey is involving getting my Scuba Diving license. Part of that is becoming a better swimmer. Since we have to walk, run, bike or swim 1000 miles anyway, I am trying to kill 2 birds as it were. I'm up to swimming .5km 3 times a week and working toward getting up to a full Km 3 times per week (hopefully by the end of April). Its a bit slow, but Ive always liked swimming so not a big deal. My other milage is coming along nicely between walking and biking. But I digress. So I've spoken a couple people about the swimming and thought I would put it out there for the ICH should they decide to join us. I swim Tuesday night after the 2nd degree class (9pm - 10pm), Friday after my guitar lesson (@ 6pm - 7pm) and Saturday after open training (time depending on if I am locking up for the day and if there is a team meeting). So those are the tentative times and so forth. If anyone wants to get some time in the water, you are welcome to join us. If not, well that's good too.

Week 5

This week went terminally slow and incredibly fast all at the same time. Talk about your time paradox. Perhaps a resolution can be found by someone more clever than I. I'm not here to talk about temporal and spacial displacement... at least not today. My conundrum, query, postulation if you will, for the week is the line between disbelief and full on jaded skepticism. The difference between, Am I buying what your selling? and Don't even unpack the crapola, I'm not interested in hearing it. Where is that line, and how does one get to that point? For example. Historically I work with some people who have what we lovingly refer to as the "Klinger Files". For those unversed in the M*A*S*H television series Klinger was a corporal who would stop at nothing to get out of the Korean War, Army and any duties there in. One of the more entertaining episodes is when during a reprimand of his lates ploys, he tried to convince his CO he needs a hardship discharge because both of his brothers were killed. Col. Blake turns around and pulls out a file, confirming with Klinger that his issue was deceased brothers. Upon opening the file, he flips through several identical letters with various people dying and others pregnant. The crowing jewel was the letter detailing that half the family was dying and the other half was pregnant. Hence the origin of the "Klinger Files". So back to reality. I work with people who have their own version of the Klinger File. It's sad, but true. Some of the numbers and "reasons" for their lack of attendance/engagement would make your head spin. I'm amazed any number of the leadership team have not gone bald for ripping out their hair. Enter the paradox. Each person needs to be treated as an individual, and you cannot judge one persons actions or needs by experiences you have had with others. Unfortunately you can't ignore life experience and common behaviours either. Do not sit in judgement, but Do not go blindly. So where exactly is that line. Thing is, I have a person in my sphere that has been here for around 2 weeks. I don't know this person, and I have no idea if I am getting legit reasons or Klinger File fodder for their lack of attendance/engagement. I try not to (and should not) judge them by the history of others as those histories are solely the property of those creating them. But I'm not just off the truck either. Said person has provided only their word for justification of their actions. And though I feel a great swell of empathy for the reason they give, I also have a great deal of doubt and no point of reference or evidence that their reason is true. Is this person going through a tragedy or are they full of it? I have no way of knowing for sure short of demanding proof, and is that really something one should do right out of the gate. Should this person not be given the benefit of the doubt. I guess that depends on who is benefiting. So there it is. I have no doubt I am jaded toward being fed a line of creative facts and I have no doubt how I came to this place of narrowed perspective. The question is, am I being played, or am I judging someone for someone else's sins. Time will tell.

Week 4

I had many topics to blog this week, but it's been such a cluster of a week that everything seems muddled. Hence the Saturday blog. You see there is a method to the madness for blogging on Friday. For this such occasion I still have a day's grace to get a blog up and running. And I do mean running. My brain is like a hamster on a wheel and there is a very read danger of that fat lil bugger flying across the room. So then what to blog about. Well for starters we are 4 weeks in. Not sure if anyone else is feeling the crunch but man that went fast. It's shard to believe we are past the half way mark in March. Seriously, where has the time gone. 2 more weeks and we will be a 1/4 way through this year. dun dun daaaa. So I sit her blogging, between throwing a ball for the most spoiled puppy in the farm's history, and think if only I had it that good. Her biggest stresses are going to the dog wash and not having a designated human for ball throwing purposes. Must be nice. I suppose I should have a moral to the blog, every great blog has one... hahahaha, almost got that out with a straight face. So remember that as long has you have a warm place to sleep, enough food, and family who cares about you, everything else is a 1st world problem. Keep that in perspective and you have it made.

Week 3

The idea of the blogging is to share the journey. To document it, to publicly be accountable for it. This is a lofty goal, but what exactly does that mean. Does that mean I admit to picking up my guitar only to have my brain fall out? Or to put ticks in a ledger for how much physical activity one does. Granted those are all part of it, but it gives me cause to wonder if there isn't more. "More? What are you a nut?" you say. Well probably but hear me out. I was overthinking again and I wondered how fast some of the requirements could come off the list. It's a big list, and I'm all about getting anything I can off my plate. If I worked really hard, could I record 100 acts of kindness a week? Doing them is no issue, I must hold a door or elevator for someone 10 times a day or more. Writing it down accurately is the issue. That's not to say once the letter of the task is complete that it loses it's importance. Continuing to be mindful and kind is not something that has an expiration date or quota. At least I don't think they should. So ya, 1000 acts of kindness in 10 weeks, that was my private personal goal. Am I on track, sort of. I'm in the high 280's in 3 weeks, so it's coming along. The issue again is the recording. I've done the background think, the check list if you will. Always keep a book and pen with me, always write them down right away, etc. Truth is, I still find myself at the end of the day (or few days) scrambling to get it all down. That begets the questions did I get them all, am I just revving the engine counting the same act for different people...sounds good but doesn't get you anywhere. I like the idea of being mindful and remembering our manners, but when it comes down to the secretarial end of it, it's less fun then a smashed finger. It also puts some harsh realizations about yourself right in your face. For example, I am very boring. I go to work, I be nice (usually), I go to class, I practice, I go home, I be nice, I sleep, repeat. Not going to win any awards for being creative or spontaneous with that. But then, all things in time.

Week 2

Lately I've had several conversations with Sifu Hayes about how our thought patterns change as you age. Some pretty cool stuff, he's an intelligent guy. One such topic regarded how your brain changes how it processes information around every 10 years or so. Thinking back on the time, I have to admit I do see some fundamental perception shifts every decade or so. I remember looking back at 30 something and thinking "was I ever that young" while listening to the 20 somethings around me. At Christmas my sister and I were in the kitchen listening to our teenage nephews challenge each other about having life figured out and all we could do was chuckle together and enjoy how the kids were in a rush to sound grown up. Silly kids. The thing is I didn't expect this "aging brain" to affect how I learn. I've always been a huge advocate of continueing learning, asking the questions, and working to find ways to make the knowledge stick. I've never had a problem learning new things and my learning curve has always been super fast. So maybe that is why I feel taken aback that I'm no longer able to keep up to my old self. Something about old dogs if I remember correctly. Maybe I have gotten so entrenched in my comfort zone that I didn't realize I wasn't challenging myself hard enough. I think back to "but I learned to do this and it wasn't an issue" only to remember that was how many years ago? Surfing 2000, Skydiving 2006, Scuba diving 2010. But it seams like yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been stagnating. I've just started thinking about why I am feeling like I'm struggling with my lofty new goals. Why I feel like I'm not progressing with my forms, weapon and guitar as quickly as I would have "once upon a time". Thing is I'm getting positive feedback, and I believe and value that feedback. I just seem to remember learning was so much easier in the past. Granted we're all our own worst critic, and I've always had a harder line with myself than is probably healthy. I guess this situation took me by surprise. I've always practiced new things, I've just never worried about being able to retain them before. Sounds arrogant. Really arrogant. But that's not my intention. This isn't a cry for help, nor is it intended to lament the passage of time. I just find it curious that I am perceiving such a dramatic change in my definition of normal progression. I feel a bit like I'm in uncharted waters. Which doesn't bother me per say, it's just different. When I travel, I rarely know where I am going. I get in my vehicle, point it a random direction and watch for shiny things along the way. Its more irritating than worrisome. The bottom line is this team, this journey we are taking in the Year of the Dog, comes down to recognizing where we are, being honest and not sugar coating the truth. I find myself thinking about why the body and mind work the way they do and not just taking for granted that they do. Something to mull over perhaps. Not to worry though. My mid life crisis was last year, and I have the motorcycle to prove it.

Week 1

Here I was with big plans to do a strong blog post. I was going to talk about my strategies for the year, my first guitar lesson, forms progress, having over 80 acts of kindness for the week, the lot. But after much aggravation with Google's 2 step verification process on an account that was set up under and email address that no longer exists, and it's complete refusal to accept any attempt to log in (even though I have the correct password) I find myself sitting here in the middle of the night, tired, irritated and quite thoroughly stuffed after several hours of attempting to resurrect it. It would appear my old blog will become a thing of the past. Yay technology >_< So this will be my blog post for week 1 of the year of the dog. Not what I wanted, but if nothing else, there is something to show for my trials. Blogging, though not something most of us have a really strong passion for, is never the less an important part of the IHC. Probably one of the most important parts actually. Lets face it, we all get together twice a week, and promptly go into our own little space. We concentrate on our own requirements, and our team effort is defined by small conversation and not stabbing each other. Not a lot of bonding on a large scale happening there. So the we have monthly meetings. Lots of value, checking in with each other, sharing frustrations and success. But again, how many go out of those meetings and sustain the warm and fuzzies past a few hours. So when do we bond? When do we get to pull together? Strange and ironic as it may seem, our most intimate conversations, exchanges of thoughts, and cries for help come from an online forum. I've told several people, this is your opportunity to find your voice. But how we use that voice is unique to each person. This is an opportunity to share and open up, to call attention to issues you find important, or to just scream into the nothingness of cyberspace. Still the irony cracks me up, but that could just be from being overly tired and irritated with google. But I digress. Tomorrow is another day and I can try again to save my blog. Apparently I get nostalgic when I don't get enough sleep.