Chauvinist VS Feminist

Don't get your undies in a twist, this isn't a gender bashing blog. It's one about self awareness. Something happened at work yesterday that gave me conflicted emotions. Well not really emotions, more conflicted reaction, way of thinking. Kinda hard to explain, but I'll try.

First of all I don't consider myself a feminist. Stop laughing... seriously, you can quit any time now.

I really don't see myself that way. I was once told I was the good kind of feminist, what ever that means. But regardless I don't see myself as someone who feels the need to "fight for equality" or what ever it is feminists do. I'm just a person who was raised to work hard and get the job done. As a matter of fact, I very much like old fashioned manners. Having the door held for me, or having someone offer to help me with something heavy is a nice treat. I rather enjoy it, if it is done out of politeness. When done out of the assumption that I can't lift something because I'm physically inferior, I tend to get a little miffed.

Gender had very little to do with work load on the farm. As a child I was throwing hay and straw bales that weighed the same as I did over a fence that was pretty much as tall as I was. The cattle were hungary, and all five of us pitched in to get them fed, every night. My brothers, sisters, and I just got the job done together, summer or winter, end of discussion. There was no "can't" about it. Get it done, and move onto the next task, what ever that was. Be it lifting rollers up to their place when my father was working on the round bailer, or holding up the break system on the D4, driving the tractor & working the front end loader, using the hydraulic lift, working the grain auger, ect. Be it using or fixing heavy equipment or doing the dinner dishes, the work came first. Having fun was for after the work was done.

So back to what happened at my job. I work for a general contractor, as a lead hand supervising several divisions. Part of my job is training new staff. We hired a new guy that I have been training to run the truck mount, as well as anything else I can throw at him. He's really been a gem. Smart, easy going, and a very hard worker. He's 5'5" and has forearms about the size of my calf. Built like a brick out house for sure.

So anyway, I've been training him on theses different machines. One of which is pretty heavy, 100+ lbs, and I'm lifting it in and out of the back of the truck to go from job site to job site. "Big D" (as the boss calls him), would always grab a side and help me with the lifting in and out. No big deal. Yesterday he asked me how I was transporting it when on my own. So I showed him. I picked it up and put it in the truck, and then I picked it up again and lifted it out of the truck. I have a bit of a technique to make sure I'm not straining myself (well too bad anyway). He was still impressed with my upper body strength, but understood the concept of the technique.

He then said "okay, I'll do it from now on so you don't have to lift it anymore". BAM! instant collision of thoughts. Part of me was like "that's really nice of him" and part of me was like "what ever Sparky, I've been lifting this thing long before you showed up on the scene". Some guys would get a nasty look for saying that to me, but I really don't think he meant anything by it.

This has been causing me to think, and rethink a lot of things. Guys in general, have been put into a very harsh situation. If they try to show old school manners, they are chauvinists, and if they don't, they are jerks. Nothing new here, I've always empathized with that particular double standard. Darned if they do, darned if they don't.

What I didn't really expect was the conflict in myself. I'm a quick judge of character. I didn't say a good judge, just a quick judge. I decide very quickly who I like and who I don't . I like "Big D", and don't take him for the type who looks down on women. It's obvious that he is unused to working with women in a labor intensive job, and having them keep up with him, but he always presents himself respectfully. Even if he is surprised at the things I am capable of.

It's just for the first time, I kinda felt like a feminist. Against someone who did nothing wrong toward me. It surprised me to feel that conflict of emotions. I felt like I was in no man's land and opted to give an non commitment response of "yah what ever". What else was I to say? "Take off you harry little troll, I can do it myself". Not the response that would have been optimal.

So I just said okay, and continued on with the work. It was all good, and I'm enjoying working with him. I'll have to do some more soul searching though. Figure out what makes me tick and all that. Meh, work in progress.