When does it end?

Once again the ugly head of bullies rear and roar their fury on their victims. I am sooooo tired of it. When is the world going to start taking responsibility for itself?

Yet again, I spent time in the office tonight trying to help a 9 year old child understand what is happening to them, why it's happening, and guide them on what to do about it. The parent is desperate for help to protect their child and the child is frustrated that every step they have been taught to take have not resolved the situation.

Where do they go from here? How do they concentrate for the rest of the day when they have this conflict in their mind? How do they express their frustration positively when they are hurting inside? These are the questions I tried to answer tonight.

The bully in question, has no structured home life to speak of. There are no consequences to this child's actions, no ramifications that has any effect on their behavior. A losing battle for them, and an extremely difficult one for those they torment.

So what did I say? Basically, continue to follow the rules:

1) create your verbal and physical boundaries & remember that no one has the right to put their hands on you in a way you do not approve of. Remember that even though someone says something about you, it doesn't make it true, you have value as a person and they can't take that away from you.

2) be aware of your situation, don't go places where they can corner you unsupervised. Take control back of the situation. If you do have to go somewhere alone, remember to be loud should the conflict arise, shout No and Stop. This will draw the attention of others near by and help you to be removed from the situation.

3) continue to communicate, when you stop talking and getting help from others you are then truly alone. This is not the place you want to be.

Dealing with bullies is extremely difficult and overwhelming. Dealing with the rest of your life after the bully has left is just as hard. Calm your mind, breathe, and work to refocus yourself. Try to talk about the conflict in a calm clear way. It's hard, but saying what happened and how it made you feel is important. Working to stay calm will help you organize your thoughts and make it easier for you to get the help you need.

Never stop communicating. People care about you and it's important that they know what is happening in your life. If they don't know, they can't help. Your family, friends, and those responsible for your safety need to know about the problems. They are your team, and a team is only strong when it works together.

Maybe I'm wrong in what I said, I'm no shrink. But I do know what it's like to be on the receiving end of bullies. I do know that sometimes ignoring them doesn't work, sometimes it makes them think they have an easy target. I also know that the only people that have power and influence on you are the ones you allow. Take back your power and believe in yourself. Easy to say, not so easy to do. But it is possible and it is so much easier when you have others working with you.